#ScaryMovieADayMonth 2017 (Days 11-20)

JpOLtNX4

Chew right through that mystery gristle, my guy!  That voracious appetite for horror will only get stronger as Halloween stealthily approaches.  You gotta be well fed by the 31st, that’s how you know deep down in your dark soul you did everything you could to put on for the greatest holiday ever.  Go on, now.  Eat.  EAT!!!!!

Day 11: The Eyes of My Mother (2016)

maxresdefault

Film-making is an art.  Independent filmmakers make artsy films.  “Borrow the slow pace, carry the low budget…” If my math is correct, that’s double the artys-fartsy.  As we know, art is subjective.  Every piece ain’t for everybody.  This movie certainly is not for everybody.

I watched this with my cousin and he didn’t wait for it to end to look at me and say, “This movie is lame.”  While I couldn’t disagree, his opinion couldn’t sway me into agreeing.  This movie is slow, it’s in black-and-white and it’s a borderline snoozefest.  To someone looking to be entertained, this movie can be painfully boring.  However, art shouldn’t be judged just on its entertainment value, it’s deeper than that.  Some of the images in this film are still in my head a week later, whether it was a sick and twisted scene or simply beautiful cinematography.  For a movie with only a $250,000 budget, there are some great shots made more impressive by the fact that it’s director Nicolas Pesce’s debut.  Not to mention, he wrote and edited it as well.  I respect filmmakers too much to call this movie wack or trash just because it didn’t move fast or make me jump.

5

Day 12: Gerald’s Game (2017)

Geralds-Game-Poster-Art

Few hours later, I got the complete opposite side of the coin with Gerald’s Game.  Having not read Stephen King’s novel and not knowing what to expect at all, I decided to give this a watch simply because it was new and as Netflix Originals are usually promoted, it was featured on the app’s main page.

Wow!  This is a movie.  I don’t mean the type you say that about when you leave the theater after a summer blockbuster.  I mean, this is an amazingly written, emotional movie.  It’s so dialogue driven in the best way.  It’s cerebral, it’s emotional, it’s….. just exceptionally well done. I didn’t care to check what critics are saying; I know this movie is good and you should see it.  All you have to do is open the app and press play.  God bless Netflix.

86e24dd2-41f1-4e03-b36f-2a41d69fe115-screen-shot-2017-10-06-at-25940-pm

Day 13: Friday The 13th (1980)

friday-the-13th-1980

Come on.  You knew it was coming, right?  A 13th day that happens to fall on a Friday in October… I’d be crazy to turn on a horror movie that’s not Friday The 13th.  This is why I’m here; to celebrate horror the right way.  Who am I to fuck tradition up?

No need to recap.  We know what this is.  It started a phenomenon and it’s one of the main reasons I’ll look at you crazy if you make it a thing to stay at an old cabin in the woods.  For fuck’s sake, get an Airbnb.  Love yourself.

2726

Day 14: They Look Like People (2015)

TLLP

I have no problem with low budget films.  This movie though….. this shit had damn near no budget.  I’ve seen iPhone clips with better quality than this.  Holy shit.  I don’t mean to sound like I’m above watching stuff like this because I’m not.  At all.  I just couldn’t get jiggy with this shit.  If a major studio were to make a movie like this with more, it would be perfectly fine.  Props to the makers though.  A lack of resources shouldn’t stop you from making what you want.

they-look-like-people-2015-1

Day 15: The Possession (2012)

the-possession-poster

October 15th marked the 36th anniversary of one of my favorite horror movies of all time, The Evil Dead.  Since I already watched it for #ScaryMovieADayMonth a few years back, I decided to go with a different Sam Raimi flick to commemorate him in some fashion.  Maybe it was the fact that The Possession wasn’t Evil Dead at all that kept me from enjoying myself but I just wanted it to be over after like an hour.  The ending got pretty intense but not as intense as the voicemails my pillow was leaving me.  It was callin’, bruh.  The movie wasn’t horrendous, I don’t think.  It’s just …. I had more fun pretending the events in this movie were leading to Jeffrey Dean Morgan becoming Negan in The Walking Dead.  I’m assuming that having a possessed daughter will fundamentally change you as a person.

1519047

Day 16: Little Evil (2017)

Little-Evil-Featured

Sometimes you gotta throw on some silly horror comedy to cleanse your palate.  Even though I didn’t laugh out loud over 1.5 times or at all for that matter, it was mindless fun.  There’s some Edgar Wright-influenced transitions sprinkled in there, that’s always fun.  So is realizing Evangeline Lilly ages like wine, which happens whenever she’s on the screen.  Overall, it was entertaining enough for me to not feel like I wasted my time.  Give it a shot if you’re bored and/or familiar with The Omen.

25829aff86f687837085855ca4aefa4dfde6b879

Day 17: The Taking of Deborah Logan (2014)

the-taking-of-deborah-logan-poster-devilish-poster-for-the-taking-of-deborah-logan-jpeg-130505

I forgot where but I heard from somewhere this was a good found footage so I went for it.  I understood that it’s a good movie that happens to be found footage but it turned out to be a decent film that is better because it executes the style really well.  Scenes never linger enough to slow down the pace of the movie.  The editing and camera angles keep you interested in the story that would otherwise be standard horror storytelling.  Regardless, the documentation of an elderly woman battling Alzheimer’s doesn’t need much else to make one feel uneasy and this movie expounds the danger of a forgetful and unpredictable person and more.

screen-shot-2015-04-03-at-8-18-52-pm

Day 18: XX (2017)

poster-fb

I really enjoy anthology horror films.  It’s like binge watching a short series.  If one short sucks, OH WELL!  I didn’t waste 2 hours of my life watching a shitty movie.  Luckily, none of the four shorts on here were terrible.  There are always standouts in these types of movies but none are deal breakers.  If you want adult Goosebumps vibes, pick up an anthology horror.  Maybe start with this one.  You will enjoy at least one of these tales.

XX-2017

Day 19: Train to Busan (2016)

9-16_traint_o_busan

Ever wonder what a zombie virus spreading in a moving train in South Korea looks like? Look no goddamn further!  I found this on a “Top Horror Movies to Watch on Netflix” list and I was transfixed by the concept of such merciless pandemonium.  What can you do in that situation?  I had to see how fucked the situation was for myself.

This movie is emotionally exhausting.  One minute, I’m rooting for a group of people.  The next, I’m wishing death on some asshole.  The very next, I’m mourning and then furious…and then laughing…and then shocked, and then…. IT’S NON-STOP!  Balls to the motherfucking wall!  The reason is that this movie somehow makes you care about the characters at an impressive rate.  I was very much invested in and worried for these characters evading stampedes of rabid, flesh-eating Koreans in no time.  Despite having some B-movie quality special effects, Train to Busan is extremely well-paced and immensely entertaining.

maxresdefault

Day 20: Tourist Trap (1979)

TT

If Stephen King praised it, I appraise it.  Curiosity takes over me.  What about Tourist Trap made this master of horror speak highly of it?  I pressed play, ready to be slightly more critical than usual.  Twenty minutes in, I acknowledged the creepiness but nothing stood out besides the music, only because it was sampled on “Guilty Conscience” by Eminem Ft. Dr. Dre from The Slim Shady LP.  (Ignore my spectacular Hip-Hop IQ, that’s irrelevant right now.)

Forty-five minutes in, my mind was blown.  I realized the hot brunette is none other than Tanya Roberts aka Midge Pinciotti from That 70’s Show.  (Don’t scoff at me, I went in blind and I’d never seen her in her 20’s.)  By the way, why are there hot chicks skinny dipping and sexual content in a rated PG movie?  The 70’s were different, man.  Wtf?  Anyway, by the end, I was pleased with this movie.  The score, the still shot of the dark woods with blue backlight, the closing moments… everything felt classically spooky.  I don’t know how big this movie was in ’79 or ever, but it was, at least to me, filled with moments as memorable as those in some of the classics of that time.  Hey Stephen King, I get it.

Tourist-Trap-Gif-2

Man, oh man.  Twenty already.  Come to think of it, the majority of those 20 have been releases in the last 5 years.  That’s trash.  There’s waaaay more I need to explore, especially movies that predate my existence.  At this rate, I’ll become a horror film expert.  A human en-psycho-pedia, if you will.  Yeah….. I’m ready.

Annyeonghi Gyeseyo. (안녕히 계세요)  *sets time machine made in Korea to the 70’s and grabs bell bottom jeans *

Advertisements

#ScaryMovieADayMonth 2013 (Days 11-20)

image

So much ass.

 

Day 11: Phantasm (1979)

Phantasm_Wallpaper__yvt2

 

Pretty good.  Not too scary.  ….. Scratch that.  The Tall Man is scary as shit.  I think it’s the hair.  Why he’s referred to as The Tall Man? I don’t know. He’s not even that tall.  I just call him “old fuck”.

 

angusscrimm

Day 12: The Collector (2009)

 

COLLECTOR_QUAD_72

 

It was supposed to be a prequel to Saw and it’s obvious why.  It’s like soft core torture porn.  Nothing special.  9 days after watching, I can’t tell you a single thing about this movie.  Except, maybe, that I don’t remember being bored out of my mind.

 

3-1

 

Day 13: The Amityville Horror (2005)

 

Amityville_Horror_Wallpaper_remake

 

ASS.  I now regret not watching the original, like I was supposed to.  I’m SURE I would’ve enjoyed it more than this atrocity because it was made in the 70’s.  The best scene in this movie?  A little girl on the roof of her house, walking toward the edge.

 

the-amityville-horror-2005-rooftop1

 

Played by Chloë Grace Moretz, the reason why I pressed play, of course.  I remember my sister telling me this movie sucked after she saw it in theaters and my dumb ass went and watched it anyway.  Fucking idiot.

 

Day 14: Rosemary’s Baby (1968)

 

Rosemarys-baby-Poster638

 

When the ending credits rolled, I thought, “this movie blows dick.”  I know it’s a “classic”, but why?  And then, I read this: Roman Polanski’s “Rosemary’s Baby” and the Dark Side of Hollywood.  I was spooked, bruh.  Honestly, I’m making this post somewhat short in hopes that y’all would click on this article.  If you’ve never watched this movie, it’s thoroughly reviewed and explained.  A lot of shit to take in on that one, but I won’t say much else.  Here’s a hint: ILLUMINATI.  I understand now.

 

rosemarys-baby-3

 

Day 15: The Conjuring (2013)

 

3221453-the_conjuring_movie-wide

 

Solid. I’m going to say because it’s based on a true story that occurred in the 70’s. Not as good as it looked in the trailers.

 

517840900_3_o

 

Day 16: The Purge (2013)

 

51b71b00c3bcb.image

 

Big Sean Ft. Nicki Minaj … A$$!

Oh my god, what a disappointment. I bet people like it though. Might be one of the many reasons why I hate y’all. This fucking movie pissed. me. OFF! … FUCK KIDS!  First of all, I would have killed the kids, FIRST THING! I don’t give a fuck!  Dumb ass fucking kids.  Jimmy is a faggot.  Ethan Hawke sucked hemorrhoids in this film.  The acting was corny.  Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne are smartest than this family.  The fucking villain said, “toodaloo” at one point.  WHAT KIND OF FUCKING VILLAIN SAYS TOODA…… *siiiiiiiigh*

 

1683618-inline-i-3-the-purge-haunted-house

 

It’s supposed to be the year 2022 and faggot ass Jimmy has a shitty surveillance robot that’s controlled by a dated ass fucking remote controller.  Macaulay Culkin had better in “Home Alone”, come on!  Sure enough, I’m not the only one who thinks that.  I know because holy shit… I found this:

 

the-purge-bring-it-on-meme

I give this movie a FUCK YOU out of 10.

 

Day 17: Begotten (1991)

 

begotten-poster

What the fuck was this?  It was filmed in black and white reversal film and then rephotographed?  Huh?  God disembowels himself, then Mother Earth comes out of nowhere and steals his jizz and impregnates herself?  Son of Earth is born in “grown ass man” form then burned alive, then resurrects, only to watch Mother Earth get raped to death?

 

begotten-3

 

And then they’re BOTH dismembered and buried and flowers grow on the burial site?  Bullshit!  WTF is this?  This is why I say fuck religion because apparently, this is a re-imagining of Genesis.  The only Genesis I know was 16-bit and said “Seee-gaaaaa” when it turned on. FUCK OUTTA HERE!  Oh, and Phil Collins.  … I didn’t understand this shit. Hell, I couldn’t see shit throughout the whole movie!  All the shit you just read right now is what I gathered from reading about this piece of elephant Swedish cake-shaped shit.  Video quality is horrible.  “This is true art”, they said.  “It’s totally original and intriguing”, they said. ………………………..

“This is nothing more than a dung juice cocktail”, I said.

 

Day 18: The Fly (1986)

 

the_fly_1985_1024x768_desktop_wallpaper-347161-1

 

Geena Davis fucks a human sized fly, is what I think happened.

 

the-fly-1986-jeff-goldblum22

 

Ew.  Is that how he ate……never mind.

 

Day 19: Mimic (1997)

 

Untitled

 

Aaaaah! 7 foot cockroaches! ….. Oh shit, it’s Norman Reedus from The Walking Dead…without facial hair. …..AAAAAHHHHH!!!!  8 foot cockroaches!!!! My GOD! That’s dis-GUS-ting!  How will I sleep after this??!! (I slept like a baby. I don’t know how, but I did.)

 

mimic-movie-1997-bug-long-john-creature-monster

 

Thanks, Dad.  Only you are capable of informing me that there are such movies.  And for letting me watch this at the tender age of 9 … ish.  I didn’t remember it but the subway scene haunted me ever since and that’s why I chose to watch it now.  I’ll never get off the F train on Delancey Street station for as long as I live.

 

Day 20: Creepshow (1982)

 

Creepshow_Wallpaper___standard_by_mercy1313

 

5 unrelated, 20-minute stories bundled to make 1 film.  I like it!  It’s just like watching TV for about 2 hours.  Easy.  Not too shabb..awww fuck.  More roaches.  This time, a gang of roaches the size of my palm.  Fuck zombies and serial killers, THIS shit fucked me up.

 

creepshow6

 

George A. Romero, you son of a bitch.  You had me turn on the lights and tap dance in my seat for the last 7 minutes.  Hated it, but it worked.   Gave me the heebie jeebies.  And that’s what #ScaryMovieADayMonth is all about.  Until the last batch…

Here’s my sign-off.  Ready? …..

Jesus wept.  *goes on flamethrower drive-by in gated community*

The Dopeness: TV Dramas

These shits right HERE?!!  Dopeness.  Keep in mind, these are dramas.  They contain a lot of emotion which naturally requires good acting.  That’s what draws me in.  Not the amount of deaths, sex scenes or adultery going on.  The acting that convinces you into thinking for a short moment that what’s going on in the screen is actually real.  I’m only mentioning shows I’m watching at the moment.  Let The Flames Begin!

Friday Night Lights

Obviously, this show is about football.  But then again, it’s NOT about football.  It’s about the lives of those who affect other people’s lives by playing football, coaching & cheer leading.  THEN it’s about football.  The acting ain’t all that except when it comes to Coach Taylor.  He’s the man.  It’s a good show.  You don’t have to like football to enjoy it.  It can be inspirational for anyone.  I’m only just finishing Season 1, so I can’t speak for the entire series.  So far, it was enough for me to want to watch all five seasons.  Also enough to make me want to be in a football team.  “CLEAR EYES!  FULL HEARTS!  CAN’T LOSE!”

The show ended in 2010, so it’s available in its entirety on Netflix.  WIN!

The Walking Dead

Zombie shows and movies never really satisfy me with anything other than zombies being dismembered and decapitated left and right.  That’s what i sat and watched the series premiere of The Walking Dead for.  And unexpectedly, I got MORE than that.  Along with great makeup, blood and guts everywhere… this show is carried by great actors.  The character development, what some might consider filler moments, is as good as the zombie killings.  The suspense, realism, and revelations in this show are fulfilling even when it doesn’t turn out how you wanted it to.  Not all questions are answered but what’s the fun in knowing everything?  Season 2 finished recently and it was CRAZY!  Can’t wait for the next.

As of now, only Season 1 is available on Netflix.

Grey’s Anatomy

Imagine someone’s life slipping away right in front of you.  And you have to find out why they’re dying, how to save them and how much time you have before it’s too late.  On top of that, your future job as a surgical resident depends on how you perform and handle the situation.  Then go through the same thing or worse the next day.  Being a doctor is NOT easy.  This show does a great job at portraying that.  It’s also good at glorifying their hectic schedules resulting in co-workers doing “the nasty” in the on-call rooms to relieve stress.  Oh yeah! This show is dope as fuck!  It’s humorous, tragic, educational and sexy at the same damn time!  Every mid-season and season finale is a butt clencher.  If this show was a rock band, they’d be named “Intensity In Ten Cities”.  Eight whole seasons, still going strong.

Seasons 1-7 available on Netflix.  MARATHON!

Breaking Bad

Just look at the picture.  Big ass containers filled with the purest crystal meth and a butt load of cash.  *Hails*  YOU’RE THE MAN, MR. WHITE!  EVERYTHING about this show is just perfection.  Before you go judging it by the picture, just don’t. Watch that shit!

Walter White’s job is to teach chemistry to a bunch of disinterested high school students.  After work, he goes to work….at a car wash.  This, along with a bunch of other bullshit, makes Mr. White realize how much his life sucks.  And then he was diagnosed with lung cancer.  The struggle came crashing down on this poor man.

I feel like I said too much already.  Just look at the picture.  Why does he look like a boss, you ask?  Well….just put Netflix on and start watching NOW.  The 1st 3 seasons are available.  It’s the father from Malcolm In the Middle for crying out loud!  Bryan Cranston is excellent!  That goes for the entire cast as well.  Season 5 begins tonight and my sphincter is tight with anticipation.  And don’t you even dare land on AMC when you’re flipping through channels later tonight.  You gotta watch from the beginning.

Breaking Bad is easily the best show on television.  No question.

There you have it.  The dopeness that I currently am subjecting myself to.  For the record, every one of these shows have given me some serious goosebumps.  The kind you get when you watch a blockbuster movie in IMAX.  … Yup.  Dopeness.

Alright guys.  Hope you take heed to the dopeness I’m trying to supply y’all with in confidence.

OUT!   *ghost rides whip into tornado*