#ScaryMovieADayMonth 2017 (Days 21-31)

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It’s over.  It’s over now, move over.  Tur-key’s turn now, it’s over.  October’s.  Shut.  Down. ……SORRY!

You don’t know about that.  R.I.P. Natina Reed.

BUT WAIT!  We’re not putting #ScaryMovieADayMonth 2017 to rest just yet.  We still got 11 to go over.

Day 21: Trilogy of Terror (1975)

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Like Tourist Trap, this movie was featured on “The 50 Best Horror Movies You’ve Never Seen”; a documentary special released in 2014.  I watched that special (obviously) and I’m planning on watching all the movies I haven’t seen on there.  I went with this one first strictly for it’s short run-time.  I thought the first short of this anthology was alright and I already forgot what the second short was about.  The last one though… it was the memorable and fun to watch compared to the others.  There’s one “Oh shit, it’s about to go down.” moment that brought me way too much joy than it had any business  bringing.  Not only that; everything from the opening monologue to the final shot was entertaining to me which can’t be said about a lot of the dry, slow-moving horror produced before ’78.

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Day 22: Tales From The Crypt (1972)

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Another one.  Anthology horrors don’t necessarily need a connection between the tales but this one is better for having one.  After the tales are told, it’s revealed why they were told, which gives the movie a bit more purpose than the customary anthology horrors of that time.  While some of the acting isn’t the best and the images aren’t the scariest, the good terror was in the idea of what was happening more so than what’s seen on screen.  There were a couple of special effects that were impressive for a movie released in the early 70’s but none that would be as memorable if not for the story surrounding them and that’s what I like about these tales.  It’s the theme each tale had in common and the ending that I appreciated and liked just enough to make me want to watch the sequel.  So that’s what I did.

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Day 23: The Vault of Horror (1973)

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Nope.  This is not…. *sigh*.

In case you didn’t know, this movie is based on a comic book series published by EC Comics in the 50’s.  My favorite thing about this movie is an Easter egg.  I’m talking the smallest minor detail.  The comic book itself is seen sitting on the table in one scene and even the Tales From The Crypt book, which was also a comic published by EC Comics, is shamelessly plugged.  I love meta shit like that.  ……That was it.  The tales were fine but… meh.  The audio in these old movies are already not that great but this shit sounded horrendous.  I know not to expect much from these movies but that ending was trash.  I think I’m done with the 70’s for now. *hops back in time machine*

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Day 24: Tales From The Hood (1995)

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Clarence. Williams. III.  Great performance!  Now I know where The Game got that excerpt for “Da Shit” on his sophomore album Doctor’s Advocate.  (There I go again showing how much of a Hip-Hop savant I am.)  Anyway, there’s a tale featuring David Alan Grier on here about voodoo drawings and I swear I saw this as a kid on VHS.  Something tells me it might have been Wishmaster but I don’t know.  I must’ve seen this somewhere, it’s so familiar.  The scariest scene in the entire movie is basically a music video with gangsta ass music playing behind a bunch of graphic images of dead people and real lynchings.  It was disturbing.  The rest of it was as cringe worthy as Rodney King’s “Can we all get along?”, which was quoted in this movie.  While it’s not even close to being Spike Lee’s best effort, I enjoyed about half of this movie just fine.

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Got a little carried away with the anthology horrors.  As much as I like watching them, they’re not giving me that feeling I’m looking for.  I need to get back to the real movies to end #ScaryMovieADayMonth 2017 the right way.  It’s time to take it back to the master of horror, Stephen King.

Day 25: 1922 (2017)

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I didn’t plan it but this makes 4 Stephen King based movies for this year’s list.  Netflix is pumping them out!

Somehow, I didn’t get the feel I was hoping for with 1922 either.  The most horrifying stuff happens in the first half of the movie.  The rest wasn’t all that scary, I didn’t think.  However, in terms of storytelling, this was a damn good movie.  The story had me invested early on; focusing on every detail, clinging to every word,… I was relishing how dark the narrative was becoming.  If you’re looking for a great suspenseful drama with heavy southern accents,  this is a great one.  Just don’t expect to be blown away by the end.

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Day 26: Creep 2 (2017)

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Could you think of a sequel that’s better than the first movie?  There are some out there but they’re few and far between.  ADD CREEP 2 TO THE LIST!  Mark Duplass is BRILLIANT!  I thought he was great in the first movie but he knocked this one out of the park from the opening scene to the very end.  I’m officially a fan of this series and yes, a third will apparently be made which makes this an actual series.  I can not wait to see what this crazy bastard does next.

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I had one problem with this movie, just one.  As a person who has no problem suspending disbelief, I had a tough time believing anyone in the real world would act the way a certain character did in her situation.  Her reactions to some things were a bit muted.  Even though it’s explained – and for that, I’m willing to let it slide – I still feel there could’ve been a way to make it feel a little more realistic.  Although at this point, I’m just nitpicking.  I’m sorry.  That’s what happens when you watch hundreds of horror movies and you know how they work.  Good thing I also know when to throw minor criticisms out the window and recognize when a movie is greater than that one minuscule flaw.  I really had a blast watching this movie and that’s all that matters.

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Day 27: Blair Witch (2016)

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SHIT.  GOT.  REAL.

You’d think after watching hundreds of scary movies, it gets easier to sit through them.  I mean… it kinda does but if there’s something that still frightens me to my core, it’s the memory I have of watching The Blair Witch Project.  I was 8 or 9 years old and the way I felt watching that movie was completely justifiable for anyone at the time but especially for a kid.

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Halfway through this movie, I felt it.  My stomach got queasy and my throat was dry but I didn’t wanna sip water in fear that I might choke if I was startled while drinking.  My 9 year-old feelings came back one by one with every familiar image.  The callbacks to the original had me on edge and the events in this film were scary as shit.  Perfect combination of keeping the essence of the Blair Witch lore and introducing new ideas and information about the Black Hill Forest.  I almost went back to watch a few scenes again to piece things together carefully to better understand what I just watched and I couldn’t bring myself to do it.  I had had enough.  I was shook.

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Day 28: Yoga Hosers (2016)

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This is the most Canadian movie I’ve ever seen.  It’s not even a Canadian production.  Apparently, Kevin Smith’s intention was to make three Canada-centric horror comedies that all connect in some way.  Yoga Hosers is the second installment of what Smith calls his “True North Trilogy”.  Wish I knew that before I watched this spin-off of the first installment, a movie called Tusk.  (Fuck it, I’m watching that next.  It’s Kevin Smith, man.)  Anyway, this movie isn’t scary at all.  It probably shouldn’t be on this list but it’s too late now.

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Starring Kevin Smith’s daughter, Harley Quinn Smith and Johnny Depp’s daughter, Lily-Rose Depp, who start the movie with a rap rock jam session (Of course, the director’s a huge Run DMC fan.), I was curious to see how a movie like this could work.  ……You’re damn right Silent Bob made it work.  Despite its ridiculous premise, Yoga Hosers is dripping with butt jokes and jammed up that very ass with Canadian caricaturization, nerdy nods and comic book references; that signature campy style we’ve come to expect and want from Kevin Smith movies.  His techniques still charm my geek shorts off.  We got Smith and Depp themselves in supporting roles, cameos from iconic people, tons of Batman references and Easter eggs, (More than I caught with my own eye, I’m sure.) and… come to think of it…this is the most “Kevin Smith” movie I’ve ever seen.

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Day 29: Tusk (2014)

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Nobody creates a cinematic universe quite like Kevin Smith, holy crap.  I had no idea how different this movie was gonna be from Yoga Hosers.  Now that I’ve seen them both, when I think about how these movies work in order, it’s pretty fucking brilliant.  Tusk begins as a comedy and slowly gets darker and more fucked up as it continues.  There’s still humor throughout the movie but it’s done in moderation which doesn’t take away from the sick, crazy story being told.  Props to this cast for carrying this movie and somehow keeping it up in the next movie as different characters, with the exception of a few main characters who get more screen time and more of a center focus in Yoga Hosers.  A trilogy of three completely different types movies within the same universe?  This is not the first time Kevin Smith has executed this.  However, it’s taken a step further this time.  Genius.  Can’t wait for the third installment, Moose Jaws.

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Day 30: Happy Death Day (2017)

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A girl wakes up on her birthday. That night, she’s murdered. She wakes up the next morning, it was a dream. Or was it?

Look, I’ll save you the Google search. It wasn’t a dream.  The poor girl relives the same day every day and dies every night.  It’s Groundhogs Day: The Horror Version.  The college girl horror version. There was a moment toward the end that took the movie from alright to “oh shit, that’s crazy”.  That lasted for a minute and five seconds.  It got corny fast. They almost redeemed it all with just two words, but by the end, it just converted to a good kind of corny.  A “Ok, that wasn’t all that bad. I had fun.” kinda corny. I guess the term is “cheesy”.  Whatever.  It was an eventful 95 minutes.

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Day 31: Halloween (1978)

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Come on.  I couldn’t NOT watch the original Halloween on Halloween after this:

If you haven’t already seen this CLASSIC, you’re not about this horror life.  I mean, I can respect that.  After all, not everyone is a loony horror enthusiast who watches scary movies for fun on the date the movie takes place in.  You definitely should cuz it’s better that way but you don’t hav- … I say that to say, … what is there to say about this iconic film?  John Carpenter.  Jamie Lee Curtis.  William Shatner face mold mask guy with a knife.  What else you need?

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Bonus #ScaryMovieADayMonth related stuff

Nothing.  I haven’t watched Stranger Things Season 2 yet.

Welp, Happy Halloween!

*stays home sipping hot cocoa, calmly*

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#ScaryMovieADayMonth 2016 (Days 21-31)

1….2….3….4…. 5!
5 time! 5 time!

Niggas and niggettes… for five consecutive years, EYE subjected myself to some of the most vile, gruesome, sinister and sometimes ridiculous, boring, abominable moving images ever concocted.  All in celebration of what I personally feel is the most underrated holiday, Hallo-mothafuckin’-ween!

Day 21: The Gallows (2015)

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This shit right here had me so conflicted.  I don’t think I’ve seen a movie with this much potential fall flat on its fucking face. The acting, OH MY GOD, the acting.  I wanted to rip my fucking ears off. I couldn’t stand these vanilla ass niggas trying to hold our hands, babying us every time they wasted silence to announce an obvious observation they made. In found footage, we already see what the character sees. He’s holding the fucking camera! LET US SEE WHAT YOU SEE! Stop saying what you see out loud!  It’s not natural.  It’s stupid.

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Day 22: The Town That Dreaded Sundown (1976)

*sigh*

Look, this shit is dated, alright? Granted every 70’s movie is dated. They either had the magic or they didn’t. There’s no magic here. “A True Story” is the only fascinating thing about this because it actually is a true story. But it doesn’t mean the movie’s good because the events actually happened. Besides, the Texas Chainsaw Massacre already scared the crap out of everybody with a good film 2 years prior to the release of this one. Come to think of it, living in Texas in the mid-70’s must’ve been fucking terrifying with these movies out. Apparently, what they show in the movie doesn’t compare to the actual real-life Texarkana Moonlight Murders. I wonder if “the Phantom killer” attached a knife to a trumpet and simulated playing it as he stabbed one his victims in real life. Regardless, it was retarded. Like there being some comic relief smack dab in the middle of a non-fiction adjace horror about a serial killer was retarded. Don’t watch this. You want genuine horror? Just read about the murders. There’s even pictures of the crime scenes.

Day 23: The Town That Dreaded Sundown (2014)

Decent slasher….. when the killings are happening. This movie is so ridiculous, I’m fucking astonished. It’s so dumb, I hate it. It’s a shame cuz the kills are worth watching. Youtube it, there should be a kill compilation. The kills here are better & could’ve been more successful if a remake came at the same time as Freddy & Jason. This shit is like 30 years too late.

That’s about the only positive about this shit. I don’t wanna see Anthony Anderson as a sheriff,  everything is mad 70’s even though it takes place in 2013 and the music is from 2013, like…..no. Fuck this. Inconsistent lookin’ ass. With both these movies, the simplicity of the title is what drew my attention. It’s so generic but it made me ask what it was that was so alarming that made a whole town not want the sun to go down out of fear. I wish I never found out.

Day 24: Curve (2015)

Rape is not funny. HOWEVER……….the rapey comment made in the car scene was hilarious because it came outta nowhere. Welp…I just ruined the best part of the movie. Sorry, not sorry. Just….here.

While we’re on tweets…

Day 25: Grace (2009)

So… I’m drinking some delicious, milky, creamy oatmeal and the movie wants to show real footage of cows being slaughtered. I was pissed. That wasn’t even the controversial scene. The infamous stomach churning scene comes much later in the movie. It wasn’t the old lady handjob like I suspected. It was actually a mutilation scene. I didn’t do my research, I just know by the amount of …I just know, bruh. It was graphic. Anyway, good independent film. Sick.

Day 26: Extraterrestrial (2014)

I was shocked. This was surpisingly good. Surprising in that I didn’t expect it to be, not that it was amazing. I was sleepy as shit, dozing off in the middle but i got the damn point. ‘Twas good. I made up an alternate ending in my head that would’ve been the fucking coolest shit ever but I don’t wanna spoil anything. Ok, I lied. I just forgot what it was. What I won’t forget is one of the scenes on here that involves some controlling of the mind. When it happened, my face took it upon itself to appear as if I was trying to blow smoke rings. It was madness.

Day 27: Martyrs (2008)

I’m blown the fuck away. I can’t begin to explain how twisted this movie is. It’s fucking brilliant. I sat in my seat for 20 minutes after it was over completely still, in the deepest thought. I questioned life, I questioned death, I questioned afterlife, I questioned why the good movie momentum became strong right when October’s coming to an end. I even remember wondering how I’d ever enjoy any horror movie after this. This was next level shit. Not for the faint-hearted at all. Please, if you decide to watch it, do not watch with the English dubbed audio. Watch the regular with subtitles. Just…trust me.

Day 28: Martyrs (2016)

If you saw this first, it’s fine. But once you’ve already seen the original, this is hollow. It’s centered on the characters rather than philosophical experimentation and it’s too matter-of-fact. Doesn’t leave you thinking enough to be something you want to decipher in conversation. Also, there’s just something about lesser known actors that make movies feel fresh. Ellis Grey shouldn’t be torturing people. She’s Meredith’s mom on Grey’s Anatomy and that’s who she’ll always be to me.

In this retelling , there’s a significant difference in the 2nd act that made me rethink about where i thought this remake was going. After that, the possibilities were endless. Sure enough, the ending was what I suddenly learned to be typical American cinema. Less to think about once it ended. Again, it’s fine.

Day 29: Viral (2016)

Not interesting enough for me to want to talk about this one. If you’re weird about holes in skin, stay the fuck away from Viral. Oh,  and RIP Machine Gun Kelly …..spoiler alert.

Aye, since I brought it up, can we slap mothafuckas who say spoiler alert AFTER they spoil shit?
WAIT! … Starting now.

Day 30: High Tension (2003)

The return of head-head but this time, it’s umm… i don’t wanna say sicker. I’ll just say it was straight up necrophilia. …. and it was cordless. Portable mobile sloppy toppy. He had the iThroat 7 plus, b.

You’re probably thinking, “Wtf?”. As you should. This is a “WTF?” movie.  The gore is great and if you try hard enough, you can justify some of the problems with this film. I tried. Now, I’m allowed to like the movie because I made sense of it. It’s one of those.

Day 31: The Witch (2016)

Fantastic. Damn, what a cast of actors. I turned the captions on because the old english is hard to follow when you’re not prepared to follow it for an hour and a half. I’m glad I did. This movie demands your undivided attention with the dialogue and you have to understand what’s being said to appreciate it. The horrific images are kept limited but because of it, they’re effective. All the performances were great, including the kids. Ralph Ineson’s deep ass voice is bad ass. He could get anybody’s attention with that shit. All these ingredients made for a perfect way to end #ScaryMovieADayMonth 2016.

Bonus #ScaryMovieADayMonth related stuff

Ash Vs. Evil Dead Season 2 (Fucking phenomenal show!)

Amanda Knox: A Netflix Original Documentary (Very interesting and waaaay scarier than horror movies because…real life.)

The Exorcist (TV Series) (Not what I hoped it would be. But fine.)

A toast! …. Here’s to five more bloody years!

*holds up polyethylene plastic cup filled with hydrofluoric acid*

Happy Cinco de Mayweather!

…..is what all the hoes want to hear from dude.

The swag this man possesses. To beat a Mexican on Cinco De Mayo.

Move over Star Wars fans,  “May Day” is now 3 days later and quite honestly, “May the 4th be with you” is a little outdated.  Let’s face it, George Lucas released the raging bull and Disney hung a red blanket before  a wall of spikes that activates a hydrofluoric acid splasher. It’s fucking over.

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But what’s NOT over is ‘Money’ Mayweather’s perfect winning streak record.  Floyd Mayweather Jr. has now won 44 bouts in a row.  Y’all thought Undertaker was impressive?  Well, wrestling is fake.  So yea. …No.

His latest victim, Robert Guerrero was confident that he would be the one to finally defeat Money May, as every boxer in the past has.  Maybe he should have stepped on Floyd’s foot to keep him where he wanted him but…OH! Wait a minute, he did!  More than once.  Which is the only reason Guerrero looked strong in the 1st round.  I don’t care, it was a wrap for him as soon as he came out to the ring.  And to think, Mayweather was the one who was accompanied by a rapping Lil’ Wayne during his entrance.

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Instead of HBO, it was Showtime.  Instead of his uncle Roger Mayweather, it was his father Floyd Mayweather Sr. in his corner.  Instead of 50 Cent, it was Lil’ Wayne who came out with ‘Money’.  I was nervous y’all.  After Cotto gave him the fight of his life and after being incarcerated for two months, shit just wasn’t right.  He wasn’t “Pretty Boy Floyd”.  He was humble as fuck.  However, his greatness is enough to keep us reminded of how good he is.

Oh yea, by the way… some of y’all don’t even remember when Floyd had hair so stop washing the man’s meat.  We know he’s great, just chill with all the bibble.  He’s human.  He can and will lose eventually.  So many people on this guy’s nuts, I almost misread a few tweets.  But I caught myself before I could comment on them.  For example, Peter Rosenberg of Hot 97 tweeted this:

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To which I almost replied, “Yo fam, take the dick out your throat and do your research. Nicolino “El Intocable” Locche.” (The Untouchable)

But then I realized, Rosenberg wasn’t wrong.  He said “I’ve never seen..”, which means he’s just oblivious to Locche, as most people are to begin with.  So, just like the meat riders, I need to chill.  (Y’all must chill first in order for me to chill though, so chill. )

Long story short, Floyd outboxed this dude.  The numbers on the scorecards could’ve been mistaken for salary income.  Mayweather’s percentages were waaaaaay above Guerrero’s in ever damn facet of the match-up.  He did it again.

“May Day” was yesterday but it continues on until maybe 6PM today.  Why 6?  I don’t fucking know.  Who gives a flying enchilada shit anyway? ……………………………. Bitch.

Happy Cinco de Mayo, everybody!

Enjoy!  *dubs twerk videos with Mariachi music*

How good was Superbowl XLVII?

How good was Superbowl XLVII

It’s been 3 days since the big game and I still can’t get the image of Beyoncé licking her thumb and provocatively sliding it down her chest out of my head.  And I’m not mad (at all) at the popular opinion that her Halftime show performance was possibly the best we’ve ever seen.  This also can be said about the actual game.  Every Superbowl is exciting in its own right and there are always fun facts thrown around to keep us caring about the two teams in the ultimate match-up.  But if you sit for a sec and recap what you witnessed on Sunday night, you might catch yourself mumbling, “Wow, that game was really amazing.”  Let’s start with the NFC & AFC Championship games of last season.

Last year, both of these teams fell short by an inch!  They both lost because they each made a mistake so miniscule, that fate can be the only explanation for what happened.  The truth is, the New York Giants and New England Patriots got lucky.  The San Francisco 49ers and Baltimore Ravens both deserved to be on the big stage last year as much as the teams that made it there.  So them being the top dogs THIS year is a true testament to that.  It’s like a fairy tale.

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You got Ravens wide receiver, Torrey Smith, who lost his 19 year old brother from a motorcycle accident earlier this year and still played what would turn out to be the best game of his career just hours later.  Then of course, their linebacker Ray Lewis, a leader who although was indicted on murder and aggravated-assault charges back in 2000, managed to recover his image and went on to defensively dominate on a consistent basis becoming one of the greatest middle linebackers of all time.  After tearing a tricep early in the season, he announced his retirement from the NFL, making this his last season.  On the other side, there’s Niners Quarterback Colin Kaepernick.  He’s a baby in the game!  Only his 2nd year in the NFL and already led his team to a Superbowl on his 1st year as starting QB.  And if that’s not enough of a fairy tale for y’all, the coaches came out of the same vagina!

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Jim and John Harbaugh, brothers.  Only a year apart.  Who isn’t intrigued by the idea of siblings putting their love for each other aside for 4 hours and competing to make their mutual lifelong dream, the one thing they worked incredibly hard for, become a reality?  Fuckin’ NOBODY!  With this fun little factor, non-Ravens fans and non-Niners fans now have a reason to care about this event.

As if this wasn’t enough to care:

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Jennifer Hudson and the Sandy Hook choir sing “America The Beautiful” together, Alicia Keys sings the National Anthem, and BAM!  The game begins.  The 1st half was all Ravens.  They jumped, slid, rolled, danced to the end zone.

Light work!

Light work!

It was sad how bad the Niners were getting spanked.  21-6 at the half and it was time for Queen B to show the world what she does.  And boy, she does it well!  I mean, this MILF……. *sigh*.  I don’t know what to say.  All I know is when the announcer said “Beyoncé”, every female species on earth broke their neck and their eyes were glued to the screen in a split second for the 1st time all night.  She came out, ripped a few garments off and every MALE species on earth felt something flinch in their pants.  We all got chubs in unison.  You can’t get raging boners at social gatherings like that so we all just popped a quick chub.  The most consistent Superbowl chub of all time, might I add.

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Milf-oncé

 

Beyoncé, to come off  lip sync controversy and bounce back so quickly and efficiently, was amazing.   WHAM!  She hits us with a Destiny’s Child reunion!  Chubs flinched yet again when Kelly Rowland came out flaunting her new cakes.  Irreleva…. I mean, Michelle Williams came out the ground and our chubs anticipated the cameras to lose focus or switch angles.  There were  lights, smoke, fire, sparks coming out of guitars & 90’s babies’ ears perked up.  The nostalgic trip was in full effect.

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Just before it gets too DC’d out, B nips it in the bud.  She closes the show out with “Halo” and shows off her glorious vocal pipes after 8 minutes of non-stop choreography.  Inconceivable.  I can’t even rap along to my iPod while walking without needing a Gatorade.  She sang the SHIT out of the word “Halo”.  It was truly breathtaking.  You can almost see Ray Lewis catching the holy ghost with a face full of tears in the locker room while the rest of the team prepares for the second half.

Twitter was bombarded with Beyoncé tweets.

 

 

You know I couldn’t resist.

 

 

If I can recall correctly, there was one play before the lights of the stadium went out for 34 minutes.  Jacoby Jones runs 109 yards to break a new record for longest kickoff return touchdown in a Superbowl, ever.  To add insult to injury, this dude did the Ray Lewis squirrel dance in the end zone.

 

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I swear, they thought this shit was Soul Train.

 

Niners fans all across the nation sucked their teeth and took off their team gear at this point.  All hope was lost.  Next thing we knew, half of the Superdome had shut down.

 

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The lights went out.  That’s when Jigga Man himself shared a tweet.

What else did they expect to happen with stage production like this?

 

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……………………..

// I just had to add that.

Blackout.  I immediately thought, “This is a good thing.”  The San Francisco 49ers is my 2nd favorite team.  And being that the Baltimore Ravens took out MY New England Patriots in their last game, the only thing I wanted more than to tell the Ravens they can draw upon my pubic sack succulently for no less than 30 seconds, was this much needed momentum shift.  Momentum shift granted.  49ers made a remarkable comeback taking the lead and we had ourselves a FUCKING GAME!  Kaepernick reminded us how he and his team made it this far.

 

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The bad calls on both sides, the intentional safety, the failed 2-point conversion … this game was IN. TENSE.  Just like last year, every second was crucial.  It came down to the last play.  Niners came up short, big brother upset little brother, the Baltimore Ravens prevailed.

 

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Ray Lewis with the Lombardi Trophy

 

So now, these motherfuckers eliminated my favorite team AND beat my 2nd favorite team in the Superbowl!  Or the #Harbowl or the #Sup-Harbaugh, as I like to call it.  Some refer to it as the #BeyonceBowl.  Whatever!  They crushed my happiness twice.  But in the end, I couldn’t be mad at them.  Joe Flacco was astounding throughout the entire season, finishing with no interceptions. Not 1.  They deserved it.

Great game, Great halftime ….. but what about the commercials?  Honestly, we were too busy discussing the game to even care about commercials this year.  I glanced at the TV here and there.  I saw 2 or 3 good ones.

Like this one:

 

I don't even know what this commercial was for.  I just rememeber an old man nipple on a glass.

I don’t even know what this commercial was for. I just remember an old man nipple on a glass.

 

But for those who were REALLY watching them, quick question.  Were the commercials really not up to par this year or was the event just impossible to outshine?

 

I guess you can say I’m back…? *shrug* Let me go watch that Halftime show one more time though.

I’ll holla!  *hops in tub of Jergens*