My 1st Voting Experience

Quick & easy.  Just like it’s supposed to be.  Just how them GBE boys will light this whole shit up if Obama loses.  Not that they even care.  But yea.  Speed dial.

Anyway, it was cold as shit this morning and the line to vote was dick & butt.  Can of sardines.  Luckily,  it wasn’t packed enough for the line to be sticking out the building when I got there.  So here’s what happened.

  • I waited in a line that made me feel I was coming out of there with government cheese & Corn Flakes.
  • The man in charge of my district was damn near Michael J. Fox, the way he was shaking.  I felt bad for his nervous system.
  • I immediately lost all sympathy for the old geezer when he misspelled my name on the card.  When have you ever heard of a nigga named “Angle”?  Tha FUCK!
  • Walked my ass to the private booth & filled in a bunch of bubbles for unfamiliar names.  Except for maybe like 3.  Which is still horrible.  (I never claimed to be into politics anyway.)
  • Scanned my sheet & handed the dude next to the machine my card & folder like if they were keys to a Bentley & he was the valet.
  • Walked out and noticed the line sticking out the building, snapped a pic, chuckled, & walked away to Jay-Z’s “PSA” with the utmost, morning “I just voted for my 1st time” swag.

As I walked away, I wondered “How can you be so sure about who you want to represent this nation if you can’t even read signs & stand in the proper lines?  Wow, these people are complete nincompoops”.  But what do I know?  I’m just a renegade who’s eyes glisten with hope at the thought of Obamacare like an anime cartoon.  Wait, can I still be a renegade even though I just voted?  Nah, right?  Blah.  Whatever.  Maybe, just maybe …. I can live a life a little less cautious and mosh at concerts without having to pretend my body is an item at an antique store.  “You break, you paaaay!” (Old Korean lady voice) Or should I say “blake” ….. hee hee hee.

I had no intentions of voting until last minute.  I just decided, why not?  I mean, I did watch all the debates.  Even though they were all pretty much the same shit.  A bunch of lying, polite ass rebuttals and a few jabs.  And Mitt Romney’s listening face.

Hilarious.

GO VOTE!  (Unless you don’t want to.  Fuck it.)
Peace, my nigs.  *rides donkey in African safari, tossing molotovs at elephants* (only figuratively)

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The Fuckery: 2012 VMAs

First things first……… What the fucking fuck?!

This wasn’t the worst VMAs, but it sure as hell wasn’t the best.  Sure Rihanna & A$AP Rocky started it off right, Kevin Hart was funny in the 1st hour, Pink BROUGHT it yet again, Alicia Keys was Alicia Keys & Taylor Swift was adorable as always.  But were we really watching the VMAs last night?

Let me just point out the obvious.

  • It was a Thursday night.  WHY?!
  • The show began 1 hour earlier than it usually does because MTV refused to cut into Obama’s speech.  Ok, cool.
  • It was broadcasted on 4 channels.  Which is completely fine, giving viewers more access to watch it.  But at the same time, taking the exclusivity out of it.

None of this really bothered me enough to hate the show.  The show itself was what bothered me. Let’s just say I thought I was watching the Kid’s Choice Awards on Nickelodeon.  All they were missing were John Cena & buckets of slime. Seriously.  One Direction won 3 VMAs……….. THREE!  That’s 3 too many.

I don’t wanna sound like a hater. But FOR FUCK’S SAKE!  If you go up against Beyoncé, Rihanna, Fun., & Gotye all night and you come out winning every time, you better win Grammys too.  In other words, you have to be THAT good.  That’s all I’m saying.  Unless MTV wanted to give them a chance to shine because it benefits their ratings.  I mean, it IS all politics at the end of the day.

For the record, when Adele stands still & sings, she gets a standing ovation.  So don’t give me shit about Frank Ocean’s performance.  (Love Adele btw.)  All I wanna know is……couldn’t they sacrifice just 1 awards for Frank Ocean?  He was nominated for “Swim Good”.  That song is old.  Which means they gave him the opportunity to win an award that’s long overdue, right? …… Apparently, no.  They just gave it to One Direction.  Then what was the point of even nominating him for such an old song in the first place?  *smacks forehead*

Not even MTV can.  But i’m off that now.

I made an interesting observation. Real quick:  Wtf was with all the stage diving?  Since when do all these people crowd surf?

2 Chainz was 2 Chainz, & Lil’ Wayne was….well, on drugs.  DON’T TELL ME SHIT! HE WAS ON ONE!

Moving right along…..matter fact, let’s keep the fuckery spotlight on Young Money.

Drake looked like he was following in Nicki Minaj’s footsteps. Did y’all see all that make-up?  That’s it, he’s a barb.

Nicki’s outfit never matters. All we tend to focus on is her horse ass anyway. So yea.

Lil’. Wayne.  This guy worries me.  I can already see him eating a bum’s face in the future.  He was totally disregarding Kevin Hart’s opening stand-up wearing his Beats headphones playing his own music.  In hindsight, I totally understand why he did that.  He’s a busy dude & he was most likely trying to memorize the lyrics to the new song he performed later that night.  Don’t get me wrong, he’s still retarded.  Just LOOK:

When this happened, I said to myself ” Ok. So i’m NOT watching the Kid’s Choice Awards after all…….This is CLEARLY the Soul Train Awards. ” .. & it looks like Drizzy was up next.  I’m 1000% sure he would’ve shimmy’d right down that aisle if he wasn’t too busy thinking about how much bath salts he witnessed Weezy ingest backstage.

So were we watching the VMAs?  I don’t even know.

Pure fuckery all night long.  But we don’t learn. We’re gonna tune in next September to embrace the fuckery.

Anyway, I’m gone  *ties leg to cheetah’s torso*