5 Things People Hated About Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice That Are Just Fine

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With its opening weekend now behind us, Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice turned out to be a success at the box office.  But was it a success to die hard comic book fans?  The internetz would say, “FUCK NO.”  So what went wrong?  I’ve heard more complaints about this movie than I can count on the fingers of both my hands.  Granted, it’s not a perfect film but some of the things people took issue with were explained in the film but because of the fast pace, lost in translation.  Then there are some that are just flat-out picky.  So what I’m gonna do is take the most echoed of those complaints and rebut them with something the unwashed masses fails to use these days: logic.

Here are 5 things people hated about Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice that are just fine.

 

***Warning: SPOILERS AHEAD***

 

1. Superman’s lack of hope

Many felt that Superman didn’t provide enough hope for the audience or even Metropolis.

*sigh* Why am I doing this to myself. Are you kidding me?

Every last scene with Clark/Superman is about hope.

The beginning of the movie has a montage of him saving people and embodying hope.  Metropolis is hopeful that everything will be fine and they worship him.  Even when that shifts and Supes doubts himself, there was always someone reminding him that there’s hope.  For him, the city AND humanity.  Lois, Martha Kent and even Jonathan Kent in his conscience was reminding him for crying out loud.  THE MAIN FIGHT TOOK PLACE BECAUSE SUPERMAN HOPED THAT BRUCE… fuck it.

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2. Jesse Eisenberg is not a good Lex Luthor

I agree with this…….if he were playing Lex Luthor.  The fact is, he’s not.  He actually plays Alexander “Lex” Luthor Jr., Luthor’s son.  We learn and are reminded of this multiple times throughout the movie.  If Lex Luthor was my father, I would probably look all coked up and abuse my power too.

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3. The Email

Bruce Wayne sends Diana Prince an email with video files attached and that’s when we first see the Justice League members.  I see why people thought that was a lazy way of introducing them.  Trust me, I do.  HOWEVER!  The files were dated June 2015.  TWENTY FIFTEEN.  Batman is too old to get in his Aston Martin DB 2/4 Mark III and look for fine ass Diana just to show her a picture and a few videos.  Just shoot it to her DMs. Batman is smooth, chill.  He don’t got time for all that.  Besides, he already went through the trouble of loading all of it on his computer with a dial-up connection.

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4. The Fight

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Lots of complaints about this one.  “It’s too short”, “It was convenient”, “The end of the fight was stupid”.

All valid opinions.  I personally thought nothing extra would’ve added to the fight.  Plus, they both were hurt enough.  How they were both ready to fight at the exact same time is easy to forget because there’s so much going on but trust and believe it is explained.  Clearly, Luthor masterminded the whole thing.  When Batman stole the Kryptonite, Lex knew his plan had worked to get Superman outta here.  Bat-signal goes up, Lex sees it and baits Supes using Lois and he gives him the ultimatum.  Convenient?  Superman is the definition of convenient.  He’s always there when it counts anyway so that shouldn’t be a deal breaker in a movie with his name in the title.  When Superman says, “Nothing stays good in this world”, you can tell he didn’t want to do it but he knew he possibly didn’t have a choice.  He still tries to not go ahead with the fight but when he saw Batman wouldn’t budge, he’s angered by the fact that his time was running out.  As for the end of the fight, it was Batman’s chance to do what he couldn’t as a child.  Simple.

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5. Superman’s fate

This one I completely understand why people were dissatisfied with.  We know he’s gonna be in the Justice League movies.  So why kill him?  The best complaint I heard was that moving forward, deaths wouldn’t be as big a deal anymore because the last shot negates the importance of this event that took place too soon anyway.  Oh, internet.  Which one is it?  He should’ve really died to make for a ballsy ending?  Or he shouldn’t have died at all to make it more impactful later?  To go with the latter, you’d have to sacrifice the ballsy ending for THIS movie and save it for the later movies.  But then how would this one end?

We could blame this ending on Doomsday’s appearance being used prematurely but how can Superman die at the hands of Doomsday with the Justice League backing him?  That would make Superman look even weaker than he already did 70% of the time in this movie.

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I think we need to give the creators of this movie a little more credit than they’re receiving.  It’s easy to complain about all of this.  It’s not easy to make a movie like this.  It’s not easy to get people who hate Superman to root for him.  Although a lot of homage was paid to the comics with the way a lot of the scenes were shot, this is still a new rendition of these characters.  Superman killed in Man of Steel.  Batman slaughtered thugs in this one.  Zack Snyder has his own vision of these beloved characters and still found the decency to include scenes and dialogue damn near identical to the comic book moments.

Take a deeper look at the aesthetic of this film and you’ll see what I mean.

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#ScaryMovieADayMonth 2014 (Days 21-31)

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That’s it?  I still got a long ass list of movies though. …..  (Thank God, yo.  I was dying, yo.  Nah, yo.  Nah.  Too many fucking movies, b.  Chill, b.  I brrrrrr wit the nah-nah-nah, b.  Almost gave up about a week agooo!)

Fellow brethren and sistren, October has come to an end and that means we can stop acting scary now.  No more life-size poseable skeletons, jack-o’-lanterns and rubber roach replicas.  Only “boo” you need to be worried about after midnight is your significant other.  Y’all are just about ready to move on from all this ghoulish stuff so I’ll cut to the chase.  Homestretch.  We on it.

Day 21: Oculus (2013)

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I have to watch this one again.  When it finally got going at the end, I kind of wished I didn’t almost doze off during the first hour.  In my defense, it takes way too long for shit to pop off.  NOTHING HAPPENS!  I didn’t even take notes so I have nothing to talk about here.  All I know is when something DID happen, it was interesting enough to make me want to revisit it and pay close attention to that first hour.  With that said, I tucked this one in my movie stash for a rainy day.

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Day 22: See No Evil (2006)

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Let’s keep the WWE Studios produced movies theme going, shall we?

Just what I need.  Senseless, erratic mutilation.  “Choke slam to the ceiling!” (Jim Ross voice)  If you get queasy at the thought of eye sockets being infiltrated, LOOK AWAY.  This is not for you.

Hey, remember that show, Taina on Nickelodeon?  All my hick-spanics know!  I was surprised to see her in a horror movie for no valid reason at all.  And to last as long as she did in this one.  Because let’s face it. Only the white survive.

I have just a few comments for some of the scenes in this movie, so here they are.

-Yeah, sure.  Tell the man that holds your life in his hands to let you go as he dangles you from an apartment building window.  Very smart.

-The blonde chick is lucky the iPhone 6 Plus wasn’t out at the time or she would’ve had to deep-throat that.

And finally….

-What’s with all the generic hip-hop music in this movie? ……  OOOOH, that’s right.  This was made around the time Vince McMahon was in his black phase.

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I wish I was joking but this “Keep it up” segment happened late 2005 and See No Evil was released in 2006. Shaking my motherfucking head.

Day 23: See No Evil 2 (2014)

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Not 1 single eyeball was poked out.  What in the entire fuck!???!!!  I thought that was Jacob Goodnight’s schtick.  WHY IS HE TALKING?!  *sigh*

I have to say, this is still better than the first one.  The suspense in the first half hour of this movie is some of the finest straight-to-DVD films have to offer.  Aside from Kane talking and not even coming close to an eyeball, his character appeared to be much more complete.

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Jacob Goodnight was super imposing, upgrading his attire by adding a leather apron and a mask.  Even the weapons looked more pristine and bad-ass.  He looks now like he can even take on the elite slasher movie serial killers like Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers.  On second thought, it’s pretty cool Kane got some lines this time around.  He deserves it.

Day 24: Leprechaun: Origins (2014)

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Ever since I went to the See No Evil 2/Leprechaun: Origins panel at NY Comic-Con last year, I had been looking forward to these movies, so I watched them back to back.

You see that picture of Hornswoggle right there?  Most misleading shit I’ve ever seen.  The man wasn’t shown ONCE in the movie.  He’s credited for making believe he’s in the movie. LMAOOOOO!  What the fuck was this?  There’s no way in hell Hornswoggle was in the costume and makeup.  It wasn’t even a Leprechaun.  It was some ugly ass creature running around, naked.  Am I missing something?  I don’t remember shit about the Leprechaun movies but, fuck outta here!  I know what a Leprechaun is.  That’s not a fucking Leprechaun.

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As far as the quality of the movie goes, it was ok.  Between the few gruesome scenes and the Irish dudes hilariously arguing in that Irish accent, it was watchable.  There was one scene that was excellent.  My eyebrows shot up, my eyes popped out of my head and I reacted with actual words.  “OOOH! ….. Daaamn.”  If you saw this movie, I’m sure you know the scene I’m talking about.  Very well done.

I’m still pissed the homie Hornswoggle wasn’t in a green top hat, sniffing around for gold coins and eating Lucky Charms though.  It’s bullshit.

Day 25: The Shining (1980)

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“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”

Please tell me one person did not sit at the typewriter and typed that shit.  It was like 100 pages of that shit.  If it was, I feel sorry for their fingers.

Jack fell asleep in a kitchen full of free Oreos, Tang, Country Time Lemonade, Corn Nuts and Nilla Wafers.  Unless the reason he fell asleep in there was the itis, Jack was buggin’.

All jokes aside, this is a masterpiece.  Stanley Kubrick shot this shit beautifully.  I’m glad I didn’t waste my time looking for the shorter, supposed “better” version as Kubrick would call it.  I prefer seeing every scene that was shot for this movie.  Jack Nicholson HAS to be a psycho in real life.  The faces he makes, to me, can’t be learned.  That shit is natural.  Don’t try to convince me he’s THAT good of an actor because I already know that.  It’s not happening. Those expressions have not nearly enough to do with acting than it does being a fucking born psychopath.

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If you haven’t already, do yourself a favor and just watch it.  I never watched it from beginning to end without distractions until now and it was 10 times better than I remembered it.  That’s cuz I didn’t pay attention before.  What more do I need to say about an 80’s horror movie that would convince you to watch it other than “It’s an 80’s horror movie”? That’s pretty much all that needs to be said.  So isolate yourself for two and a half hours. GO!  This needs to be SEENT.

Day 26: V/H/S: Viral (2014)

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Three days after its release, I was watching this on a comfy couch, in the comfort of my home.  The internet is the greatest aspect of life.

Movie begins with a dude obsessively filming his pretty ass girlfriend, on some Joe Budden shit.  Before I knew it, shit got REAL!  I got goosebumps at the 19-minute mark.  That’s unheard of!  The movie moves so quickly, you don’t have to wait AT ALL for shit to go down.

The entire V/H/S series is fun to watch.  Never a dull moment.

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I wish I could be a fly on the wall at one of the round table discussions/brainstorming sessions for these movies.  How do they come up with this stuff?  Everybody in the threads on Reddit are saying they were disappointed with this movie.  That it wasn’t as good as the first 2 movies.  That part is true.  This one lacked compared to the others and the story was confusing.  Disappointed though?  Sounds like a personal problem.  Whoever says they didn’t have fun watching this is a lying ass faggot.  Parts 1 and 2 were good because they were fun to watch and made you go, “What the fuck?”.  “Viral” did that.  So take the dicks out your asses and just accept the fact that every horror movie declines with every sequel.  Not every movie is going to have a strong ending.  Just enjoy the ride.

Day 27: The Purge: Anarchy (2014)

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Oh my God.  Why does this exist?  Please let this be the last ‘Purge’ movie.  Shit sucks!  The casting is horrible.  These actors were not meant to be in a movie like this.  They sucked.  The movie itself pissed me off.  It’s always some emotional ass stupid bitches fucking up the groove.  Let the man get his revenge, who GIVES a fuck?

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It’s like you do right by somebody and they repay you by being clingy and ruining your life.  Hate that shit.  This shit was MAD disposable.

Omar from The Wire and I share the same sentiment.  “MOTHERFUCK THE PURGE!”

Day 28: World War Z (2013)

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The unrated cut.  EXCELLENT movie.  It could’ve ended after 28 minutes and I would’ve been satisfied with just that.  So fast-paced, so intense.  You know shit is hectic when you eagerly take refuge in a project building in Newark, New Jersey.

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I officially want to read the novel this movie is based on, which is kind of backwards for me.  I prefer reading books (this sentence already sounds inaccurate) before watching their film adaptations…….on the rare occasion that I DO read a book.  See how I patched that sentence up at the end like dat dere?  (Auntie Fee voice)

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Oh, you didn’t?  Then why the hell you pointing the ca….take that mothafuckin’ camera off me and point it at the blog, SHIT!

Anyway,  the “Mother Nature is a serial killer” monologue alone made me wonder what other gems were compressed and even removed completely from the script.

I recommend World War Z to pretty much anybody who likes movies in general.  Or Brad Pitt.

Day 29: Aftershock (2012)

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Eli Roth never disappoints.  It’s all in the tagline.  Everything that can possibly go wrong in this movie, DOES!  And it’s all humanity’s fault once the earthquake is over.  Even acts of kindness result in the most unimaginable epic fails you’ve ever seen in any film.  It’s what separates this one from the others.  Every glimpse of hope these characters felt were immediately crushed.

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At one point, I figured there’s no happy ending for any of these people. They have the worst luck.  Whether I was right or wrong is up to y’all to find out.  I’m not one to spoil things.  That’s for the faggots.

Day 30: A Serbian Film (2010)

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I can not believe what I just watched.  I’m surprised this isn’t banned everywhere.  This movie is not for the faint of heart any-fucking-body.  Seriously.  Is this how Serbia gets down?

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It’s rated NC-17, so I should’ve known.  I should’ve known I was in for some fucked up shit.  I don’t even wanna say what it’s about.  If you’re curious, google it and read the synopsis.  I will say, though, that after reading about the director’s intentions, I reckon that this movie has artistic merit.  Srđan Spasojević (don’t even know how to pronounce that) said in an interview, “You’re raped from birth and it doesn’t even stop after your death.”  Now, I see the movie in a new light.  It’s still fucked up to no end, but now I know it wasn’t made to just sicken the audience as much as possible.  It was also to make a statement through metaphor.  I just don’t think the average person can sit through this.  Too graphic.

DOUBLE FEATURE!

WE’VE GOT OURSELVES A

DOUBLE FEATURE!

Day 31: Eraserhead (1977) & Pieces (1982)

Decided to watch 2 movies to conclude #ScaryMovieADayMonth because I’m a masochist and apparently, 31 movies in 31 days just isn’t enough for me.

Eraserhead

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In 2014, a 1977 movie made me say, “Whoa, how’d they do that?”  You new special effects people ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

This movie is fucking weird.  Even though there’s no definitive explanation of what this movie is about, but to me, it’s basically about how life sucks balls and marriage and parenthood makes it suck dick.  And that the little bit of sleep you get as a parent sucks ass because if you’re not having a nightmare, you’re having a sweet dream that only makes you realize how much your life sucks orangutan tits once you wake up.  And that the only solution is to murder your child in cold….grits?  Oops, I just gave away too much.  Oh well, it’s not like your were going to watch this anyway.

Chicken period.

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Pieces

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80’s gory goodness.  The only copy I could find was like a videocassette rip and it looked all shitty.  PERFECT.  I prefer watching old movies like that, in their fuzzy, original picture quality.  Unless it’s a masterpiece or a movie with highly visual scenes, I don’t want to watch old movies in Blu-ray.  It’ll just unmask more flaws from already flawed movies with unprecedented clarity.  Fuck that.  Other than the few enjoyable, gory scenes, this movie is pretty bad.

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The actors where just miming recordings of their voices reading the script, you can tell.  Sometimes, their mouths barely moved while you can clearly hear them “speaking”.  There were stupid scenes that had nothing to do with anything.  Like the Kung-Fu professor scene.  Pointless.  Lots of nudity, including full frontal from both a female and a male.  That’s 2 days in a row I watch a movie with male full frontal nudity.  This is ridick-ulous.  I’m kind of glad #ScaryMovieADayMonth is over.  The pecker sightings were getting out of hand.

Bonus #ScaryMovieADayMonth related stuff:

– Lights Out by David F. Sandberg (2013)

Short 2-minute film.  Creepy as all hell.

Tuck Me In by Ignacio F. Rodó (2014)

Advertised as the scariest 1-minute short film you will ever see.  Sounds about right.

– Bravo’s 100 Scariest Movie Moments (2004)

The infamous countdown that I can still enjoy a decade later.  My potential list of movies for next year is already significantly hefty but it’s better if it always is.  This countdown is helping me with that.

3 years in a row.  94 scary movies in 93 days.  Not really back to back but yes, really… sort of .. kind of.

Time to go Trick-or-Treating!  Which, by my definition, is pickpocketing kids for their candy while creepily salivating over the sexy Halloween costumes the THOTS so THOTfully wear.  (I’m not doing this. It’s just my definition.)

There might even be a costume twerk-off in the middle of the street.  You never know, these days.

Happy Halloween, everybody!  *revs up chainsaw, runs like maniac through crowded NYC streets*

#ScaryMovieADayMonth 2014 (Days 1-10)

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Thank you, baby Satan!  Eleven whole months have passed since the last edition of #ScaryMovieADayMonth and not 1 image of gore has been transmitted through my optic nerve, bruh.  The same can’t be said for some of you who recently watched those beheading videos online, you sick motherfuckers.  News flash: Those videos BEEN online for quite some time now.  For some reason, they were noticed by a broader audience this year.  But enough of that sick, twisted shit.  We’re here for visually stunning, fictitious flicks with the actors and the…camera angles and the……. the FAKE shit, OK?!  The scripted ones.  Real people actually being killed is terrible.  I hate it.

So last year, I mentioned something about the movie Gravity, although not falling into the genre of horror, having a horrific theme.  I also said I might save it for the next #ScaryMovieADayMonth list of movies to watch if I didn’t give in on opening weekend and caught it on the silver screen.  Well, call me Mr. Patience.  I put it off long enough and that’s why I’m starting this year’s edition of #ScaryMovieADayMonth with Gravity.  So here we go.  Days 1-10.

Day 1: Gravity (2013)

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Sandra!  NOOOOOOOOO!  I mean, wait…..what’s her name in the movie again?  I guess it doesn’t matter when you’re drifting aimlessly in space, now does it?  I noticed my breathing changed while I watched this movie.  All my zero gravity fantasies were discarded with a determined long range Michael Jordan fade away.  With the tongue out.  No way in hell do I want to feel like a yo-yo that never retracts.  That’s what Sandra Bullock was for a good 15 minutes.  No control of her direction whatsoever.  On George Clooney’s string, much like the women in his life were before he chose the one to settle down with.  (It’s a miracle.)

Remember when you were a kid and your big cousin would pick you up and swing you until you begged him to stop, but he wouldn’t, unless you were on the brink of genuine, pussified tears? THAT’S WHAT THIS WAS! But WORSE.  And then to top it off, a cameo from everybody’s least favorite Looney Tunes character, Marvin the Martian.

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How fitting.  I enjoyed the shit out of this movie.  The film score did it for me.  Many feels.

Day 2: Carrie (2013)

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Well, well, well.  If it isn’t one of the best horror remakes I’ve ever seen.  All the elements are there.  Nobody can say this is a watered down version of the story or it wasn’t as captivating as the original.  The buildup, the payoff, the characters. All there.  Of course there’s minor differences.  E.g., instead of traditional volleyball, they played in a pool.  Then, of course, the modernization of the setting.  Internet instead of books, a Tim Tebow reference, and “Young Blood” by The Naked and Famous playing at the prom.  Naturally, the violent scenes are little better, visually, because technology allows that now.  Still, they kept from using too much CGI.  No John Travolta.  But his replacement is just as douchey.  No Sissy Spacek, but my God, if Chloë Grace Moretz didn’t do a hell of a job making the viewer believe she was odd and not as attractive as the other girls… I mean, I have to admit…I was a little skeptical about how believable she would be, coming into this.  The character is supposed to be an ugly duckling and Chloë is far from that.

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But somehow, she made it happen.  She made you feel for her when she was getting picked on and I was just as happy for her as I was for Sissy’s Carrie when Billy was being nice to her.  Oh yeah, can’t forget about Julianne Moore’s performance. Wow. What a fucking psycho.

Remakes that are actually good are hard to come by.  Finding any that are AS good as the original is even more unlikely, making this film a pleasant rarity.

Day 3: You’re Next (2013)

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Thirty minutes in, I was ready to say this is the dumbest movie ever.  Then it became enjoyable. By enjoyable, I mean violent & unfortunate for the characters.  “Crawling on broken glass” unfortunate.  Just when it was on it’s way to being a pretty good movie, some corny, over-the-top shit happens like some whore trying to convince her man to fuck her next to his dead mother and it’s right back to being the worst.  Soon after, a blender is neatly used as a weapon and just like that, it’s good again.  I don’t know.  I guess it’s more than decent for a movie with a million dollar budget.  I’d say it’s a good slasher.  Everybody knows slashers are not always the best movies.  As long as people die every 5 minutes, it’s worth it.  The masks in this one though, is what put the movie on the map.  The Wyatt Family in the WWE stole the sheep mask look because it works so well at creeping people out and made it arguably more menacing which only brought more attention to the movie.

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That’s the only reason I wanted to watch You’re Next.  To see that creepy ass mask some more.  Seriously considering buying one.

Day 4: Freaks (1932)

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After 3 consecutive 2013 releases, I felt the need to just watch something that wasn’t modern.  I kind of overdid it and went back 82 years.  Freaks is a movie that I knew about for like 10 years but I never had the balls to watch it.  As a matter of fact, I found out about this film while watching Bravo’s 100 Scariest Movie Moments which aired in 2004.  I was right on the money. 10 years ago.  Coming in at #15 on the countdown, the clips were so fucking creepy to me despite being desensitized from watching clips from the previous 84 entries to the countdown.  A woman being chased by a legless man and a completely limbless man on his stomach, wobbling left and right with a knife in his mouth was the image that stuck in my head since I was 13 years old.

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All types of real-life deformed people in one movie was something I just could not bring myself to watch for 10 whole years. Until now.  Apparently, the original cut was too shocking and doesn’t even exist anymore as it was edited from it’s initial 90 minute runtime to the 64 minute version that’s out there.  Shit is short as hell.  I already saw the scariest parts by forcing myself to watch a clip here and there through the years so I basically just watched a midget leave his midget bae for a full-size bitch who only wanted to marry him for his money.  Black man lights cigarette with his mouth, “One of us! One of us! We accept her, we accept her! Gooble gobble! Gooble gobble! One of us!”, roll credits.  That’s it.  Great for it’s time.  Creepy chant is the most memorable part in this whole shit and the “freaks” leave a lasting image in your psyche.  A must watch for those who want to say they’ve seen the movie that defined the subgenre “cult film”.

 

Day 5: Insidious: Chapter 2 (2013)

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Oh, look.  I’m unintentionally back in 2013 again.

I hate way more about this movie than I care to like.  I’m giving this movie the same rating I gave the 1st one.  TD.  Trash Dookie.  It’s not fair at all that I realized it was rated PG-13 after I watched it.  But come on, y’all really liked this shit?  It was pretty scary for PG-13 but the majority of it is just jump scares.  I’m not even exaggerating, every time there was a jump scare, it was laughable.  Hands slamming down on piano keys was all they used to create suspense. There were maybe 2 good ones but I still laughed after them and it’s because there was no reason for me to be startled by a jump scare.  I didn’t flinch but if anyone did, it’s because the sound was loud and that’s just a reflex.  It has nothing to do with the possibility of something scary jumping out at you or the story being really creepy because there was none of that until like halfway through the 3rd quarter of this movie.

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I showed more emotion at the terrible shopping decisions this family made, especially when it came to house decorations and appliances.  I was like, “That wallpaper is God-awful.  And why the fuck do they have a TV with a knob on it?  What year is this?”  Other times, I was like, “So y’all just gon’ cover YOUR ears when the burglar alarm goes off and leave the baby’s ears unprotected, you selfish assholes?  Oh, that’s right.  Y’all suck at protecting.  Should’ve protected your genitals because you clearly are unfit parents.”  Movie is such a fucking drag.  You should see how the writers attempted to include comic relief.  Really, that shit couldn’t have been in the script.  It must’ve been ad-libbed on a day where the director just wanted to go the fuck home already.  PG-13 horror movies be so trash, bruh.

Day 6: Paranormal Activity 4 (2012)

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I ain’t mad at this one.  I ain’t mad at any of the Paranormal Activity movies.  Truth is, they keep it fresh with the surveillance camera footage.  I made the mistake of watching this on a TV.  This is the one movie that should be watched on a laptop with some good headphones because then it feels like the actual found footage.  This time, laptop webcams were turned on on all the laptops in the house to keep tabs on the creepy boy from across the street who was sleeping over for like a week and a half for a reason I’m not sure about.  (My copy of the movie had really low audio.  Or maybe it was the loud ass fan on my Xbox making it impossible for me to hear indoor voice dialogue.)  SPEAKING OF XBOX!  A Kinect is used in the most dope way for this movie.  The special effects just keep getting better and better in this series.  The whole thing was like one big Kinect ad and I loved every minute of it.

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“Fucking Prius!”  LMAO!  The main character, Alex, yells this at someone who almost runs her over with a Toyota Prius.  I don’t understand the global hate for this vehicle but it sure is funny.  There’s a brief much-needed reminder of how the last one ended in the beginning, thank God.  The endings might not be as shocking anymore since we have an idea of what to expect but they’re still effective.  I heard the next one is not a sequel, but a spin-off.  So maybe it won’t be as predictable.  Should be fun.  Might watch that next, idk yet. ……

Day 7: Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014)

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Psych, I’m just fucking with you.  Of course this was next. You kidding me?  I love these movies!  (Also, I have slight OCD so I couldn’t have watched anything else even if I tried.)  Holy shit, this was good!  I even forgot to take notes.  Well, not entirely.  I could revert to my tweets.

But seriously though, this is the best one out of the bunch.  This one makes the whole franchise worth it for me.  It’s the funniest, it’s the scariest, and….just fucking watch it.  That’s it.  I’m not saying anymore on it.  The next installment is called Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension and it was supposed to be out in theaters on the 25th of this month.  It was pushed back to March 13, 2015 and now I’m pissed.  (Oh yeah. Movies come out on Fridays so it’s on Friday the 13th.)  I might not even wait for the next #ScaryMovieADayMonth and just go on opening day, fuck it.

Day 8: Mama (2013)

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Remember when I said PG-13 horror movies be trash? … Scratch that.  FAITH RESTORED!  THIS motherfucker right here is frightening!  The story, the acting, the score, it’s all GOOD.  The girls humming was spine-tingling, sound effects on fleek, special effects eerie as fuck.  Jessica Chastain looked pretty good with black hair.  Loved it.  I don’t even like horror fantasy like that.  I feel like most of them are not creepy enough.  I noticed that the horror aspect turned into more of a drama-fantasy at the end of Mama.  It was fitting, though, and there was closure to the story.  The entire movie was sinister so I didn’t need an over-the-top gory ending.  PG-13 rated horror movies are back in my radar.

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Day 9: The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

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Feels like American Pie at first.  Then Jesse Williams aka my nigga Jackson from Grey’s Anatomy shows up.  Then a pot head pulls up in a hoopty playing Asher Roth’s “Blunt Cruisin'”.  In those first 5 minutes, I was sold.  But I didn’t think it was gonna get any better.  After all, I WAS watching a horror movie on Netflix.  BRUH. …. When I say this is one of the best horror movies I’ve seen, I’m not just talking about this year.  Or since I started #ScaryMovieADayMonth.  EVER, bro.  E-VERRRR!  Shit was creative as fuck, goddamn!  I haven’t had this much fun watching a cabin movie since the original Evil Dead.  (I’m making it sound like I saw it when it came out.  I saw that shit for the 1st time last year.)  Seriously, it was fun, it was funny, it was scary, there was blood, there was gore, there were twists, there were surprises, there were tits, there was action, …I can’t even keep going like I want to because I don’t want to spoil it.  GO WATCH THIS MOVIE!  NOW!!! It’s my new fav.

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Day 10: Alien Abduction (2014)

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Begins so serious.  Next thing I know, there’s a family on the road and Riskay’s “Smell Yo Dick” is playing on the radio.

So there was really a family bumpin’ this on the way to their demise in real life I guess because apparently, this is “actual footage” retrieved from an 11 year old autistic boy’s camera.  Priceless.  This one was limited in theaters and released on VOD and yo….I’m gonna stop shunning straight-to-video movies because this was actually worth my time.  It’s barely 90 minutes long and the proverbial fecal matter hit the gyrating, bladed appliance for sure.

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It has post-credits goods and the whole Project Blue Book thing had me googling shit after the movie was over and it added a sense of reality to it.  I always go too far with the government cover-ups/military studies research after watching alien movies and I need to stop.

Bada bing, bada boom. Days 1-10: Over.

Next 10 days might include an entire franchise.  Come back on the 20th to find out which legendary horror villain I’m going with.

Peace gawd, I’m gone.  *opens airborne airplane emergency exit whilst wearing a cape*

MTV, Please Come Back!

Dear MTV,

Where the fuck you at, b?  You hit us with the famous deadbeat dad line, “I’ll be right back” and hauled ass.  We ain’t seen you for a few years.  All we have are bittersweet “photo album-like” memories to reminisce over on the internet and VHS tapings.  It’s not enough.  What were you thinking?  Introducing us to MTV2 and MTV Tr3s was your little way of disguising your weak ass programming, huh?  Sure you tried to make a few comebacks in the past.  Yo! MTV Raps (online), Beavis and Butt-Head, and even Celebrity Deathmatch on MTV2 for a while.  But those never lasted.  They were swept right out from under our feet yet again and left with what?  Friendzone, WakeBrothers and reruns of The Hills.  Are you out of your fucking mind?!!  While you’re at it, just change the name of the station already!  Add an ‘F’ to the front, seriously! Don’t get me wrong, Jersey Shore WAS ok.  WAS.  It’s the same shit every season though and we caught on to that.  It’s over for that shit now.  Nobody gives a flying flaming bag of dog shit about what a pregnant Snooki & J-Woww do on their lonely journeys together either.  Or what club DJ Pauly D is hitting up every night.  The only thing that actually represents what the channel should be is AMTV and that shit comes on too early in the day.

You’re really gonna let BET have the upper hand on you on something?  They actually have a music countdown that airs every weekday.  Let’s face it, nobody watches it because it sucks ass.  BET is “Strugglelandia” and the only thing worth watching there is the Hip-Hop Awards and the opening performance at the BET Awards.  Nothing else.  But at least they have a countdown.  Would it hurt to air MTV Jams again from 7-8 PM on a nightly basis before new episodes of ‘whatever-the-fuck’ comes on?  Or how about TRL from 3-5 again? (the hour long TRL sucked)  You do realize that ain’t shit on TV at that time and your ratings would be much better if you didn’t repeat episodes of oompa loompas “doing” sex all goddamn day, right? *sigh*

Other than FUSE, you’re the only network that doesn’t need ratchet reality TV shows to entertain.  All you need is a music countdown in the middle of the day that airs live from Times Square, NYC “Daly” to satisfy us and actually live up to the name of the network.  MTV, don’t leave us like this.  Please come back!

                                                                                                Sincerely,

                                                                                                          Fan of 15 years

P.S.  Spring Break deserves to be aired strictly on TV.  Bouncing boobs and ass shakes don’t look as good on computer screens.

Until next time…  *walks like Shaggy into car wash to hide struggle tears*