Stephen King’s IT Retrospective

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HIYA GEORGIE!

On September 8th, 2017,  The Losers’ Club and Pennywise hit theaters for the first time.  Although it’s only been less than a month since then, it feels far behind us enough – especially in these fast times we live – to look back at already.  (Anything after two weeks is a lifetime in the age of information.)  Naturally, comparisons were, are and will be made to the original TV mini-series that aired on ABC in 1990 because while not technically a movie, it’s the only other visual based on Stephen King’s novel.  After all, Hollywood refuses to make anything original anymore so what fun would it be if we didn’t make connections while we’re forced to watch different versions of already existing intellectual property?  There’s basically no other choice.  Basically.  HOWEVER! …It’s ok.  It’s perfectly fine this time because IT was, for the most part, remade for the better and it was glorious.

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As a horror lover who has never read the novel and completely missed out on the mini-series all the way until AFTER the 2017 movie trailer was released, I had no idea what IT was about, really.  The combination of Pennywise’s pop culture relevance and the quality of Stephen King’s bibliography and their film adaptations suggested that I probably should have watched this already.  Unfortunately, those things were also exactly what created expectations for me.  As much as I hate to say that there was a presumed threshold of quality I felt this mini-series needed to meet for me to justify its impact, I certainly could not deny the underwhelming sour taste of lackluster I was left with once it was over.

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The first half of this two-parter was perfectly fine.  A shapeshifter that exploits the phobias of a group of children, mainly in the form of a creepy clown, is such a great concept because young kids are susceptible to being consumed by their fears.  That’s exactly what we got in part one.  I thought, “This is perfect pacing.  First half’s to become familiar with the characters, second half’s for straight clown terror.”  I was excited to start part two immediately and was let down just that fast.  Then I was let down again, and again, and……..”OH MY GOD! THAT ENDING WAS EGREGIOUS!”, I thought to myself.  Wasn’t this supposed to be a classic?

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The only thing classic here was Tim Curry’s performance as Pennywise.  He is unrecognizable in that makeup and even through all his goofy actions, the character is genuinely scary.  Curry made me understand why so many people fear clowns on a deeper level after a lifetime of just chalking it up to their seemingly predatory appearance.  I could only imagine what watching this as a child can do to your psyche.  Sorry y’all went through that, 80’s babies.  Clowns are officially no longer allowed 50 yards from me.

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Curry’s awesomeness alone isn’t enough to captivate the audience for more than 3 hours though.  Neither can the fun mini-game we all play of pointing out familiar faces when we watch old stuff.  “Oh, it’s Annette O’Toole, a.k.a. Lana Lang from Superman III.”…”LOL what are you doing here, dad from Sister, Sister?” … “Wait, is that…?  Holy crap, that’s Seth Green!  He’s so young there!”  The unexpected use of the N-word made for some heavy drama but that wasn’t gonna cut it either.

Not-So-Fun Fact: Did you know that John Ritter, who played Ben and Jonathan Brandis, who played Young Bill, both died in 2003?  Eerie.  Brandis through suicide by hanging.  So sad.

Do you see the problem here?  I’d rather talk about the things surrounding IT than the mini-series itself.  There’s also a lot to laugh at while you watch but most of it is unintentionally funny, almost to the point of making you want to create a drinking game for it.  Out of the second part’s 90-minute runtime, only about 10 were enjoyable.  The parts where the original airing took commercial breaks weren’t even edited in the home release.  A lot of IT just flat-out sucks, unfortunately.  It made all the sense in the world why so many were excited this year about the theatrical release of a remake.

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Every trailer I saw for the new IT was convincing.  The formulaic approach of overusing the cliché jump scare and other repeated tactics made familiar in high-budget horror movies was apparent in each one.  Yet, that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing in this case because while not completely sold on Bill Skarsgård’s version of Pennywise, I sensed this film would be solid at best compared to the previous one.  How could it not be?  I found myself at an early screening with a friend 3 days before the release date and no more that 5 minutes into it, the tone was set.  The opening scene was gruesome!  The scene after that was a “Try Not To Look Away Challenge” for animal lovers.  In just the first 10 minutes, I was flabbergasted by how far the limits were pushed in a movie starring a bunch of child actors.

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For how graphic the images were and continued to be throughout the entire film, the comic relief and performances connecting them were just as potent.  The cast was nothing short of fantastic, the majority of them too young to apply for a learner permit in most states.  Finn Wolfhard of Stranger Things fame managed to play a different character in what many people worried to be just a mirror image of his role in the Netflix Original series.  His portrayal of Ritchie acting as more of an inappropriate joke dispenser than Seth Green’s version of the character in the mini-series begged to differ from that notion.  He brought a freshness to the role and his energy bounced right off the other characters perfectly.  The chemistry was there and it felt like they were regular kids you can identify with, which helped me relax and let my guard down enough to be startled by a majority of the scary moments the movie had to offer.

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This movie is dark!  Not for kids at all.  While the 90’s version included language and images not suitable for children, this version is strictly geared toward an adult audience even with its comparatively covert horror tropes. There’s no doubt about which one was more frightening and it all comes down to Pennywise.  In not necessarily a better depiction, Bill Skarsgård’s version is without a doubt the more emotionally scarring of the two.  While Tim Curry’s Pennywise evokes nervous laughter with typical goofy clown mannerisms and underlying creepiness, Skarsgård’s eliminates any uncertainty about the intentions of a stalking clown with a sinister smile that instantly assures “It” is not to be trusted.  New Pennywise is spine-chilling.

One scene in particular was so disquieting, my eyebrows shot up, my mouth fell open and my face would not relax until the next scene.  There’s something to be said about a horror villain that still finds its way in a 26-year-old horror fanatic’s mind, causing neck-snapping glimpses over the shoulder while walking the dog late at night long after the movie is over.  Call me irrational for half-expecting to see a clown standing still, staring at me from across the street; the image of Pennywise’s face flashed before me continuously to the point of unreasonable slight paranoia.

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With such a short period between my first viewing of the 1990 TV mini-series and the 2017 film’s theatrical release, I personally, almost involuntarily favor the latest adaption of Stephen King’s IT.  Critically acclaimed remakes are uncommon, rare even, placing this ubiquitously positively reviewed flick in a special class.  Chock-full of comic relief, effective scares, impressive performances across the board and an abundance of 80’s references and easter eggs, this awesome revision of the coming-of-age story is a delight, especially, but not exclusively to viewers already familiar.  A much needed upgrade from the antiquated visuals once believed to be definitive insures horror fans, including Stephen King, the IT re-imagining we deserve.

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Is Wrestling Officially Back?

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Even though it never really left, I think it’s for real this time.  Pro wrestling and/or Sports Entertainment is slowly becoming popular again.  Sure, it will never be close to being as cool as it was in the 80’s and late 90’s.  However, I’m starting to notice something here.  Wrestling is slowly becoming hard to avoid.

TNA’s contract with SPIKE TV was not renewed but picked up by a new network that while is less known than SPIKE TV, is more accessible, Destination America.  Also, there has been a buzz about this new soap opera style wrestling promotion based in LA that airs on the also new El Rey Network, called “Lucha Underground”. Then there’s the more influential company, causing the most buzz as usual, the WWE.

With the WWE Network being 8 months old, it’s possible that former fans have already gone back in time and relived all their favorite moments with their subscriptions, revitalizing their interest in “Sports Entertainment” and becoming hip to the current product.  I know that’s how some celebrities and public figures like rapper Wale got back into it.  He’s a HUGE fan again.  Furthermore, the amount of time the WWE spends keeping the names of legends and Hall of Famers out there keeps the people who are not excited with the new roster coming back for more.  Just this year, we saw an appearance by the now rehabilitated and sober, Jake “The Snake” Roberts, Hulk Hogan, The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Rowdy Roddy Piper, and so many more.  Even the Ultimate Warrior rekindled his relationship with Vince McMahon and squashed all his beefs before he passed away.

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The “Macho Man” Randy Savage, who was blackballed by the WWE for reasons that no one but the McMahon family can explain, factually, is finally being publicly acknowledged again by the company for his greatness and the legacy he left behind as a superstar with a new documentary about his life, which Macho Man fans have been waiting on for over a decade.

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The most recent one, of course, is a man whom even after WCW was purchased by Vince McMahon, had refused to step foot in a WWE ring for as long as he lived.  On Sunday night at Survivor Series, he made his WWE debut to everyone’s astonishment.

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Sting!  The face of WCW, the franchise!  If you were conscious in the 90’s, you know who Sting is or at least, what he looks like.  If you were under a rock or born too late in the 90’s, you definitely heard of him NOW.  The news spread like wildfire on social media.  There was no way you didn’t know about this.  The same way it was trending on twitter, wrestling was trending in society. In real life.  It certainly was trending in my little town.  A little place called Washington Heights in New York City.  A place where in the 23 years of my life, I’ve only seen 3 people wearing wrestling merch, which I spotted only this year.  A place where the last wrestling promotional poster we saw around was a Wrestlemania X8 banner on the side of a city bus back in 2002.  It’s making its rounds again.  Wrestling is relevant to people again.

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It first hit me when I went to the closest store to my house, this 24 hour Gourmet Deli, with my sister for a quick munchies run.  We spent like 10 minutes picking delicious ass snacks, all while overhearing the clerk watch Monday Night RAW loudly on his phone.  After we paid, my sister said, “He didn’t even look up.  He was glued to that phone.” to which I replied, “That’s it.  Wrestling is back.”

That was yesterday.  Not even 24 hours later, I’m on my way back home from picking up some Whoppers from Burger King (Once again, food brought me to this conclusion).  What I saw confirmed to me that wrestling is in fact relevant again is some way, shape, or form.  Check this out.

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Each parked car on this street either had a wrestler’s name or wrestling related terms on it.  The whole street!

I got home and my first words to my sister were, “Wrestling is officially back.”

#ScaryMovieADayMonth 2014 (Days 11-20)

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Here I am.  I made it through the second batch of films despite the distractions.  This is usually the toughest part of #ScaryMovieADayMonth.  It’s when my attention span is broken into little pieces, causing things like Fall TV show season premieres, NFL football and bae to finagle their way into my “free time” schedule.  I thought this would be a cake walk but my God, where does the time go?  It doesn’t help that I take 2 hours to watch a 90 minute movie.  My mind wanders and I find myself rewinding like a maniac.  Meanwhile, the DVR is about to burst and my iPod is dick & butt with podcasts that become irrelevant as the weeks blow by.  If you’re not sure what “dick & butt” means….. think about all the times you’ve been in the pit at a rock show or a crowded elevator.  How close your genitals came to brushing up against a pair of butt cheeks.  Yeah.  I just hope, fellas, there was always a lady behind and in front of you.

Anyhow, here are days 11-20 in short and sweet form to make it easy on the both of us.  Giddy up!

Day 11: Curse of Chucky (2013)

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“You have your mother’s eyes………and they were always too FUCKING CLOSE TOGETHER!” *stabs eyeball*

Seed of Chucky was hilarious but I wanted the old Chucky back.  The ferocious “Good Guy”.  The one who made jokes and puns right before and AFTER killing people, as opposed to joking around every chance he got.  And I got that with this movie.  Also, I can never get tired of seeing Chucky’s little feet walking to his next victim.  That little motherfucker is over-the-top with the killings too.

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Loved it, it was fun to watch and whaddya know?  This was a direct-to-video release, the first in the Chucky series, and it was better than the last one.  We live in a different time.  We can no longer treat these movies like they’re less important than theatrical releases especially when they’re this entertaining and have great surprises how Curse of Chucky had at the end.

Day 12: Candyman (1992)

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“Have you heard of Candyman?  I’ve heard of him, have you?”  “I’ve heard of some guy called the Candyman, have you heard of him?”  “Have you heard of…”

SHUT THE FUCK UP!  Goddammit, was everything in the 90’s as dumb as these bitches asking the same question over and over?  Because that’s not how I remember it.  This movie is almost TOO 90’s.  Rusty sinks, empty lots, graffiti everywhere…  Don’t get me wrong, the movie isn’t bad….but I can’t lie and say that I wasn’t bored the whole time.  Maybe the story is just old to me.  I can’t blame the movie because I’m the one who’s late.  I’ve been joking around about saying “Candyman” five times in front of my bathroom mirror, in the dark, since the 2nd grade.  I guess it would be scary as shit if I heard the black man’s voice after saying it five times.  His deep voice was hella dope though.  He could use it to serenade the hoes but instead, he murders the hoes.  Maybe his deep voice has something to do with having bees in his fucking mouth!

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Look at the look of struggle splattered on his face.  That’s what sacrifice looks like.  If i were to look up the word “struggle” right now, I’d probably….yup, found it.

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Only watch this for nostalgic purposes.  If you’ve never watched it, don’t.  Fuggedaboutit!

And now, here’s the series I alluded to in the last post. Here’s the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise!

Day 13: The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)

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Do I even need to talk about this one?  This is a certified clizznayee.  A CLASSIC!  Go on imdb.com and read the ‘Trivia’ section for this movie.  BRUH.

If The Exorcist didn’t exist, this would be the scariest movie of all-time.

Day 14: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)

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So, the reason I chose to watch this franchise is because I had watched the original a bajillion times, and I watched the 2003 remake when it came out on Pay-Per-View.  One day, I was listening to a horror movie podcast when I heard that The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 much more violent than the 1st one and possibly every other sequel.  I had to see it for myself so I figured why not just watch em all in a row?  Violent it was.  It also had humor in it which took away from the terror that is Leatherface.  Why the fuck was Dennis Hopper using a chainsaw more than Leatherface himself though?  Before I go any further, I’ll just say that it doesn’t get better than this one for this franchise when it comes to sequels.  It wasn’t great, but it’s far more entertaining than the rest of them.  The protagonist is pretty fucking attractive so it’s easy to watch.  Caroline Williams was a looker back in her day.

Day 15: Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990)

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Kenan & Kel’s dad? Wtf are YOU doing here? … The only man to take the chainsaw revving skinner head-on.  The black man.  Respect.  But the respect ends there cuz this movie was a feces sandwich with cheese.  Leatherface looks corny.  It’s easy to read about movies and like them based on the directors explanation of the direction they took.  But I saw this dung salad with my own eyes and there’s no convincing me that it was worth anything when Leatherface wasn’t on my screen, which was too often for a movie titled, “Leatherface”.  In this case, it doesn’t even make sense.  I read that this was a reboot and a sequel at the same time.  HOW SWAY?!  Leatherface has a knee brace on in this movie implying that it’s a sequel since he accidentally sawed his leg in the 1st movie so that’s what the fuck it is to me.  Reboot? What the fuck is you talkin’ about, b?  Fuck outta here with that bullshit.  It’s a sequel and it’s terrible.

Day 16: Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1995)

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Shelved for 3 years, this one actually came out in ’97.  This movie has some similarities to the original so it’s already better than the last one.  This one, however, is more annoying.  Let me get the positive out the way before I go in.  Renée Zellweger shows these other bitches how it’s done in this movie.  When you see a motherfucker with a chainsaw coming at you, you do what my Zell-wigga Renée did.  RUN. LIKE. USAIN. BOLT.  This girl was hauling ass and she had a dress on.  If she tripped, which I can’t recall, she probably got right back up because she was OUT!  No “deer in the headlights” bullshit.  Get the fuck outta there immediately.  Good for her.

Now, the negatives.

“The Next Generation”.  Nobody gives a fuck about this new Sawyer family.  We want to see Leatherface killing.  He barely did anything here.  FUCK Matthew McConaughey and his whistling S’s.  Fuck him right to hell.  Taking up all the screen time, fuck is wrong with him?  Was there any dialogue in this bullshit?  I swear all I heard was annoying screams the whole time.  Oh, right.  There was dialogue.  I heard some heffer say “mucho quicko”.  “Mucho quicko”??? What in the blue hell is that?  Bitch?!  Don’t even think about spanish.  That’s unacceptable even to a fucking mute.  Mucho quicko.  You need mucho dicko in your mouth to keep shit like that from coming outta there, dumb bitch.  WHY?!  Who allowed this gah-bidge?  All they did was take from the 1st movie, dipped it in a tub of Bling Bling the bum’s sweet and sour looking excrement and sautéed it.

Day 17: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

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*Sigh*  What a breath of fresh air….  Holy shit!  This movie came out on October 17th!  What a dope coincidence that it landed 17th being that I just started the series spontaneously.  11 years exactly.  Wow.

I remember ordering this when it came out On Demand and loving it.  Still love this.  It’s savagely violent.  I almost couldn’t finish my food just by looking at the hitchhiker.  I remember this movie like it was yesterday but it still affects me.  It’s even better now because I developed a keen eye for little details by watching so many horror movies.  Subtle shit like the leak on the ceiling in the basement forming a puddle early in the movie and noticing that’s the reason there’s a flood by the time Jessica Biel gets thrown down there.  Before, I would have probably been like, “Why the fuck is the basement a pool?”

Speaking of Jessica Biel, watching this as an adult, I noticed she’s a stone cold bitch in this movie.  She bitches about the weed in the car, then she disrespects the weed, puts everybody in danger and gets an attitude with her boyfriend over it like it’s his fault.  …….and I STILL was thinking, “Well, helloooo there, snowflake.”  Her body is on fleek!

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Shout out to Marcus Nipsel and Michael Bay for trying their ALL to get her nipples rigid.  They succeeded briefly.  But props to Biel’s jugs for defying damn near every classic element.  She went from hiding in a meat freezer, to running through sprinklers, to running in heavy rain and her nipples didn’t even flinch.  Trust me, I checked.

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What else did I notice? …. A lot of Leatherface’s past is explained.  We get to see him sewing himself a new face and his bare face, all deformed from some skin disease.

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OH, this might be a reach but the fact that the group was on their way to a Skynyrd concert could be a play on words.  Leatherface?…..you see where I’m going here?  He’s a skinner.  Maybe it has nothing to do with that and they just really love Lynyrd Skynyrd. After all, they were blasting “Sweet Home Alabama” in the car.  I can go on forever about this movie.  It’s THAT good.

Day 18: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006)

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Who the fuck is Tommy? I thought his name was Jedidiah.  Anyway, Jordana Brewster is one fine bitch.  Why am I just now seeing this?  Good prequel to the 2003 remake.  One problem: When Chrissie hides in what appears to be a tub of blood at first, why is her face the only thing covered in blood?  The liquid is clear when it drops off of her and the knife.  Then when she gets out, she’s completely covered in blood. WHAT WAS THIS?!  I’ll tell you what it was.  The most obvious continuity error of all time.  The beginning of this movie could’ve passed as the music video for 2Pac’s “Brenda’s Got A Baby”.  “She wrapped the baby up and threw him in a traaash heap.”  Turns out, Leatherface was a dumpster baby.

Day 19: Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013)

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This one starts where the original movie ended which was dope.  Leatherface’s name is Jed and not Tommy.  I was glad about that.  Trey Songz dies…..HALLELUJAH!  The man can’t act, I’m sorry.  ….. Oh look, a dead armadillo.  Oh, the weird chick from LOST! She’s uh…  veryyy…..very THOTful, if you will.  This, I didn’t get.  Why is the camera always pointed at her ass?  We get it, she has a nice ass.  But why?  Especially if you’re gonna show her ass in a thong later on in the movie, why would you keep focusing on her bu..oooh I see.  Of course.  Whore-shadowing.

Anyway, the scene where Leatherface sews his new face on has never been so graphic.  So that’s cool.  What’s not cool is the way the movie tried to make us feel for Leatherface a little.  Am I supposed to feel sympathy for this guy?  I don’t give a damn if you’re my mother, if you murder innocent people, I don’t bangs wit chu, bruh.  “Ladies makeup?  What a fruitcake!”

Nevertheless, I enjoyed this movie and watching this whole collection.

40 years of Texas Chainsaw Massacre.  SWAG!

Day 20: A Nightmare On Elm Street (1984)

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Oh, we got another anniversary here!  30th anniversary of A Nightmare on Elm Street.  Had to end the 2nd trimester of #ScaryMovieADayMonth with a goddamn classic!  This movie pushed cinema boundaries.  Changed the fucking game.  The special effects still hold up til this day.  80’s movies have the best special effects because none of it was digital.  No CGI.  Everything was crafted brilliantly for the movies.  Blood & makeup, remote control robots, all the details in the background, all that shit.  By hand.

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A Nightmare On Elm Street was unique.  Some of the scenes in this movie still impress me.  They just don’t make them like this anymore.  There will never be another Freddy Krueger to me.  Robert Englund is so good, and he has this distinct face that played as much a part as the fedora, the striped sweater and the metal-clawed brown leather glove in making this character iconic.  It just worked.  Perfectly.

20 movies down.  11 to go.

Game face: ON.

See you fuckers in 11 days.  *hangs up blood-filled piñata and picks up chainsaw while blindfolded*

#ScaryMovieADayMonth 2013 (Days 21-31)

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That’s right, hoochie mamas & baby daddies!  I sat and watched a movie errday for a month, for the 2nd year in a row.  #ScaryMovieADayMonth is finally over.  Thank you, ass cramp relief gods, no homo.  Only the 2nd time I do this and I already found myself digging for the shortest flicks I could find.  Big mistake.  And to think, I went for the most interesting sounding short ones.  So you’ll know its longer than 1 hour and 35 minutes if I’m saying positive things about it.

Let’s see if shit hits the fan in any of these.

 

Day 21: Cujo (1983)

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Big ass rabid dog attacks.  Guaranteed to scare the shit out of kids.  Make ’em cross the street when they see a dog.  The fear of having a dog black out on you can be instilled in people of all ages though.  Good watch, well done.

 

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Day 22: Jaws (1975)

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This shit here!  Similarly to “Cujo”, this one would make a casual swimmer/surfer/beach-head stay the fuck out of the water.  This movie is 10 times better than “Cujo” though, to me.  In 1975, the mechanics used in this movie blew minds, I’m sure of it.  That shark looks real as fuck! ….. I mean uh ….. it’s real, you guys.  Forget I said anything.  This is simply a shark caught on tape, ironically, fishing for humans.  Yup, that’s my belief and I’m sticking with that.  (Movie is fucking real, bruh.)  But yeah.

 

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This is actually a thriller but the realism and idea of this happening was horrific enough to land a spot on the “100 Scariest Movie Moments” special on the Bravo Network.  After all, I did replace the word ‘horror’ with ‘scary’ in #ScaryMovieADayMonth for that reason.  There are thousands of thrillers that capture the audience with fast-paced action but then there are films that rely on horrific themes that were put on-screen to scare people.  I haven’t seen the movie Gravity yet, but the plot is terrifying.  The idea of being unanchored in space is gut-wrenching.  (Making a mental note to watch this next October if I don’t give in and just go catch it in IMAX this weekend.)  I put myself in the character’s shoes and feel what they feel.  I be gettin’ lost in these movies, g. Word!

It happened with Jaws.  I was sucked in.  But this dope ass, Spielberg directed classic is almost 40 years old, so I’ll stop holding up the goddamn blog to get to the new stuff.

 

Day 23: Silent House (2011)

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This remake of a 2010 Uruguayan independent film of the same name stars the youngest Olsen sister, Elizabeth Olsen.  Her performance wowed me.  I didn’t think it would be as good as it was.  If memory serves me correct, there appears to be no cuts in the scenes, giving the viewers a sense of unedited raw-ness, if you will.  Whole movie, one continuous shot of a girl FREAKING THE FUCK OUT!  I enjoyed this and your girl did… I mean … will too.

 

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Day 24: Them (2006)

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French-Romanian movie with subtitles. It’s was barely ‘ok’.  OH but wait, this is based on real events?! Oh my God! That makes this really sca….no.

O-K. That’s it.

 

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Day 25: The Haunting (1963)

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I watched this because it’s Martin Scorsese’s favorite horror film.  Curiosity bored the shit out of this cat.  I guess he loves it for the script and neat camera shots. I’m guessing because I didn’t pay enough attention to dissect it.

What are the 5 best movie elements of all time?

Dialogue …. Dialogue …. Dialogue, Dialogue, Dialogue.

Ugh.

 

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Day 26: Creepshow 2 (1987)

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Here I go, picking the easiest movies to watch again. Ya’know, I kind of learned to like these somewhat light-hearted stories, so I watched the rest of the series.  Bad acting everywhere, what a treat.  It’s like watching Goosebumps or Are You Afraid Of The Dark? but for adults.  “Thanks for the ride, lady!”  Some good laughs here.

 

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Day 27: Tales From The Darkside: The Movie (1990)

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An 80’s TV show, turned movie.  Cool.  Even though it’s expected, this movie has a surprising amount of stars in it.  Christian Slater, Julianne Moore, Matthew Lawrence (Boy Meets World), Steve Buscemi, even Debbie Harry from the band, Blondie.  The list goes on.  It was like playing I Spy.  Like, “Oh shit!  Look who it is!”  “Oooh!  Where is she from again?”  On top of that, this shit was hilarious.  “You broke your promise, you idiot!  I loved you!”  *rips own scalp in 2*  … My midsection was boomin’, cuhh.  It ends with a kid throwing a suburban housewife in an incinerator and saying, “Don’t you just love happy endings?”  I lost it.  Genuine tears.  What kind of shit is that?

 

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This isn’t really a sequel, just made by the same people.  So after making this next movie on the list, the creators said in an interview that Tales From The Darkside: The Movie was the actual 3rd and final installment to the Creepshow series.  I guess they agreed with my sentiment of Creepshow 3.

 

Day 28: Creepshow 3 (2006)

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This is the only movie that ties in all the stories and show what and how they affect each story.  It’s way more simple than what I just said.  This movie is ass.  A few gruesome deaths and way more blood is shed though, I’m guessing to quench modern horror movie-goers’ thirst for disgusting guts splattering.

 

3

 

Day 29: V/H/S (2012)

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Awwww sheeit!  This is my new favorite series.  A bunch of sick footage gathered and edited into 1 long montage.  When I tell you shit hits the fan in this, it’s because the proverbial fecal matter does indeed hit the propellers.  The deaths look a little TOO real and I found myself cringing, even after being desensitized by the 28 movies I already watched this month.  The point of the movie might not be all that but once you see what happens, who cares?  I strongly recommend this shit, unless you have a weak stomach.

 

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Day 30: V/H/S/2 (2013)

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Once again, the excrement made physical contact with a hydro-electric powered oscillating air current distribution device!  It started off really stupid but picked up halfway through.  Even the fake, impossible shit makes you go, “Whoa.  Did that just…..CAN that happen?” ….. ILL.

 

7-VHS-2

 

Day 31: Escape From Tomorrow (2013)

Escape-From-Tomorrow-Poster

 

Looked at this picture, then read how interesting the film-making process was and I was sold.  The maker of this movie, Randy Moore, actually shot a majority of this film in Disney World and Disneyland.  Get this: …….WITHOUT PERMISSION!  They had the scripts on their iPhones and made a fucking movie on the low without Walt Disney Company’s approval.  I had to watch it.

 

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Shitty.  Didn’t like it.  But then again, I don’t really fuck with psychological horrors like that.  They’re effective on me but I just think they should at least try to get a physical reaction out of the audience as well as mentally to hit a home run.  This genre is full of pop up fly balls that ultimately get nowhere.  However, this is Randy Moore’s debut and I gotta say…that was a helluva risk he took, making this movie.  It gives me the impression that he’s a visionary who soon will make something awe-inspiring.  And for that, I’ll keep an eye out for his future work.

 

Bonus #ScaryMovieADayMonth related stuff:

The Fear of God: 25 Years of ‘The Exorcist’ (1998)

Dope documentary. All the tricks they used for special effects, cool facts and creepy coincidences between events in the movie and in real life.

 

The Curse of ‘The Omen’ (2005)

This documentary scared me more than any of the movies. The things that happened to the people involved with The Omen are peculiarly bone-chilling.

 

BAM! 31 in a month again.  *wipes sweat*

Already got a few in mind for next year.  But, fuck!  I just hope it takes forever to get there.  I’ll probably get excited again during the summer, when that heat makes me beg for autumn weather again.

I need a fucking shower.  I’m outtie!  *cannon ball dives into giant washing machines*