Cleveland’s half-century long nightmare is over

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Not much needs to be said except CONGRATULATIONS to LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers! You did it!

The impossible.

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OAKLAND, CA - JUNE 19:  LeBron James #23 of the Cleveland Cavaliers shoots against Stephen Curry #30 of the Golden State Warriors in Game Seven of the 2016 NBA Finals on June 19, 2016 at Oracle Arena in Oakland, California. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2016 NBAE (Photo by Nathaniel S. Butler/NBAE via Getty Images)

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NBA: Finals-Cleveland Cavaliers at Golden State Warriors

2016 NBA Finals - Game Seven

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2016 NBA Finals - Game Seven

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Is Wrestling Officially Back?

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Even though it never really left, I think it’s for real this time.  Pro wrestling and/or Sports Entertainment is slowly becoming popular again.  Sure, it will never be close to being as cool as it was in the 80’s and late 90’s.  However, I’m starting to notice something here.  Wrestling is slowly becoming hard to avoid.

TNA’s contract with SPIKE TV was not renewed but picked up by a new network that while is less known than SPIKE TV, is more accessible, Destination America.  Also, there has been a buzz about this new soap opera style wrestling promotion based in LA that airs on the also new El Rey Network, called “Lucha Underground”. Then there’s the more influential company, causing the most buzz as usual, the WWE.

With the WWE Network being 8 months old, it’s possible that former fans have already gone back in time and relived all their favorite moments with their subscriptions, revitalizing their interest in “Sports Entertainment” and becoming hip to the current product.  I know that’s how some celebrities and public figures like rapper Wale got back into it.  He’s a HUGE fan again.  Furthermore, the amount of time the WWE spends keeping the names of legends and Hall of Famers out there keeps the people who are not excited with the new roster coming back for more.  Just this year, we saw an appearance by the now rehabilitated and sober, Jake “The Snake” Roberts, Hulk Hogan, The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Rowdy Roddy Piper, and so many more.  Even the Ultimate Warrior rekindled his relationship with Vince McMahon and squashed all his beefs before he passed away.

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The “Macho Man” Randy Savage, who was blackballed by the WWE for reasons that no one but the McMahon family can explain, factually, is finally being publicly acknowledged again by the company for his greatness and the legacy he left behind as a superstar with a new documentary about his life, which Macho Man fans have been waiting on for over a decade.

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The most recent one, of course, is a man whom even after WCW was purchased by Vince McMahon, had refused to step foot in a WWE ring for as long as he lived.  On Sunday night at Survivor Series, he made his WWE debut to everyone’s astonishment.

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Sting!  The face of WCW, the franchise!  If you were conscious in the 90’s, you know who Sting is or at least, what he looks like.  If you were under a rock or born too late in the 90’s, you definitely heard of him NOW.  The news spread like wildfire on social media.  There was no way you didn’t know about this.  The same way it was trending on twitter, wrestling was trending in society. In real life.  It certainly was trending in my little town.  A little place called Washington Heights in New York City.  A place where in the 23 years of my life, I’ve only seen 3 people wearing wrestling merch, which I spotted only this year.  A place where the last wrestling promotional poster we saw around was a Wrestlemania X8 banner on the side of a city bus back in 2002.  It’s making its rounds again.  Wrestling is relevant to people again.

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It first hit me when I went to the closest store to my house, this 24 hour Gourmet Deli, with my sister for a quick munchies run.  We spent like 10 minutes picking delicious ass snacks, all while overhearing the clerk watch Monday Night RAW loudly on his phone.  After we paid, my sister said, “He didn’t even look up.  He was glued to that phone.” to which I replied, “That’s it.  Wrestling is back.”

That was yesterday.  Not even 24 hours later, I’m on my way back home from picking up some Whoppers from Burger King (Once again, food brought me to this conclusion).  What I saw confirmed to me that wrestling is in fact relevant again is some way, shape, or form.  Check this out.

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Each parked car on this street either had a wrestler’s name or wrestling related terms on it.  The whole street!

I got home and my first words to my sister were, “Wrestling is officially back.”

Happy Cinco de Mayweather!

…..is what all the hoes want to hear from dude.

The swag this man possesses. To beat a Mexican on Cinco De Mayo.

Move over Star Wars fans,  “May Day” is now 3 days later and quite honestly, “May the 4th be with you” is a little outdated.  Let’s face it, George Lucas released the raging bull and Disney hung a red blanket before  a wall of spikes that activates a hydrofluoric acid splasher. It’s fucking over.

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But what’s NOT over is ‘Money’ Mayweather’s perfect winning streak record.  Floyd Mayweather Jr. has now won 44 bouts in a row.  Y’all thought Undertaker was impressive?  Well, wrestling is fake.  So yea. …No.

His latest victim, Robert Guerrero was confident that he would be the one to finally defeat Money May, as every boxer in the past has.  Maybe he should have stepped on Floyd’s foot to keep him where he wanted him but…OH! Wait a minute, he did!  More than once.  Which is the only reason Guerrero looked strong in the 1st round.  I don’t care, it was a wrap for him as soon as he came out to the ring.  And to think, Mayweather was the one who was accompanied by a rapping Lil’ Wayne during his entrance.

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Instead of HBO, it was Showtime.  Instead of his uncle Roger Mayweather, it was his father Floyd Mayweather Sr. in his corner.  Instead of 50 Cent, it was Lil’ Wayne who came out with ‘Money’.  I was nervous y’all.  After Cotto gave him the fight of his life and after being incarcerated for two months, shit just wasn’t right.  He wasn’t “Pretty Boy Floyd”.  He was humble as fuck.  However, his greatness is enough to keep us reminded of how good he is.

Oh yea, by the way… some of y’all don’t even remember when Floyd had hair so stop washing the man’s meat.  We know he’s great, just chill with all the bibble.  He’s human.  He can and will lose eventually.  So many people on this guy’s nuts, I almost misread a few tweets.  But I caught myself before I could comment on them.  For example, Peter Rosenberg of Hot 97 tweeted this:

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To which I almost replied, “Yo fam, take the dick out your throat and do your research. Nicolino “El Intocable” Locche.” (The Untouchable)

But then I realized, Rosenberg wasn’t wrong.  He said “I’ve never seen..”, which means he’s just oblivious to Locche, as most people are to begin with.  So, just like the meat riders, I need to chill.  (Y’all must chill first in order for me to chill though, so chill. )

Long story short, Floyd outboxed this dude.  The numbers on the scorecards could’ve been mistaken for salary income.  Mayweather’s percentages were waaaaaay above Guerrero’s in ever damn facet of the match-up.  He did it again.

“May Day” was yesterday but it continues on until maybe 6PM today.  Why 6?  I don’t fucking know.  Who gives a flying enchilada shit anyway? ……………………………. Bitch.

Happy Cinco de Mayo, everybody!

Enjoy!  *dubs twerk videos with Mariachi music*

How good was Superbowl XLVII?

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It’s been 3 days since the big game and I still can’t get the image of Beyoncé licking her thumb and provocatively sliding it down her chest out of my head.  And I’m not mad (at all) at the popular opinion that her Halftime show performance was possibly the best we’ve ever seen.  This also can be said about the actual game.  Every Superbowl is exciting in its own right and there are always fun facts thrown around to keep us caring about the two teams in the ultimate match-up.  But if you sit for a sec and recap what you witnessed on Sunday night, you might catch yourself mumbling, “Wow, that game was really amazing.”  Let’s start with the NFC & AFC Championship games of last season.

Last year, both of these teams fell short by an inch!  They both lost because they each made a mistake so miniscule, that fate can be the only explanation for what happened.  The truth is, the New York Giants and New England Patriots got lucky.  The San Francisco 49ers and Baltimore Ravens both deserved to be on the big stage last year as much as the teams that made it there.  So them being the top dogs THIS year is a true testament to that.  It’s like a fairy tale.

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You got Ravens wide receiver, Torrey Smith, who lost his 19 year old brother from a motorcycle accident earlier this year and still played what would turn out to be the best game of his career just hours later.  Then of course, their linebacker Ray Lewis, a leader who although was indicted on murder and aggravated-assault charges back in 2000, managed to recover his image and went on to defensively dominate on a consistent basis becoming one of the greatest middle linebackers of all time.  After tearing a tricep early in the season, he announced his retirement from the NFL, making this his last season.  On the other side, there’s Niners Quarterback Colin Kaepernick.  He’s a baby in the game!  Only his 2nd year in the NFL and already led his team to a Superbowl on his 1st year as starting QB.  And if that’s not enough of a fairy tale for y’all, the coaches came out of the same vagina!

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Jim and John Harbaugh, brothers.  Only a year apart.  Who isn’t intrigued by the idea of siblings putting their love for each other aside for 4 hours and competing to make their mutual lifelong dream, the one thing they worked incredibly hard for, become a reality?  Fuckin’ NOBODY!  With this fun little factor, non-Ravens fans and non-Niners fans now have a reason to care about this event.

As if this wasn’t enough to care:

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Jennifer Hudson and the Sandy Hook choir sing “America The Beautiful” together, Alicia Keys sings the National Anthem, and BAM!  The game begins.  The 1st half was all Ravens.  They jumped, slid, rolled, danced to the end zone.

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Light work!

It was sad how bad the Niners were getting spanked.  21-6 at the half and it was time for Queen B to show the world what she does.  And boy, she does it well!  I mean, this MILF……. *sigh*.  I don’t know what to say.  All I know is when the announcer said “Beyoncé”, every female species on earth broke their neck and their eyes were glued to the screen in a split second for the 1st time all night.  She came out, ripped a few garments off and every MALE species on earth felt something flinch in their pants.  We all got chubs in unison.  You can’t get raging boners at social gatherings like that so we all just popped a quick chub.  The most consistent Superbowl chub of all time, might I add.

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Beyoncé, to come off  lip sync controversy and bounce back so quickly and efficiently, was amazing.   WHAM!  She hits us with a Destiny’s Child reunion!  Chubs flinched yet again when Kelly Rowland came out flaunting her new cakes.  Irreleva…. I mean, Michelle Williams came out the ground and our chubs anticipated the cameras to lose focus or switch angles.  There were  lights, smoke, fire, sparks coming out of guitars & 90’s babies’ ears perked up.  The nostalgic trip was in full effect.

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Just before it gets too DC’d out, B nips it in the bud.  She closes the show out with “Halo” and shows off her glorious vocal pipes after 8 minutes of non-stop choreography.  Inconceivable.  I can’t even rap along to my iPod while walking without needing a Gatorade.  She sang the SHIT out of the word “Halo”.  It was truly breathtaking.  You can almost see Ray Lewis catching the holy ghost with a face full of tears in the locker room while the rest of the team prepares for the second half.

Twitter was bombarded with Beyoncé tweets.

 

 

You know I couldn’t resist.

 

 

If I can recall correctly, there was one play before the lights of the stadium went out for 34 minutes.  Jacoby Jones runs 109 yards to break a new record for longest kickoff return touchdown in a Superbowl, ever.  To add insult to injury, this dude did the Ray Lewis squirrel dance in the end zone.

 

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I swear, they thought this shit was Soul Train.

 

Niners fans all across the nation sucked their teeth and took off their team gear at this point.  All hope was lost.  Next thing we knew, half of the Superdome had shut down.

 

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The lights went out.  That’s when Jigga Man himself shared a tweet.

What else did they expect to happen with stage production like this?

 

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……………………..

// I just had to add that.

Blackout.  I immediately thought, “This is a good thing.”  The San Francisco 49ers is my 2nd favorite team.  And being that the Baltimore Ravens took out MY New England Patriots in their last game, the only thing I wanted more than to tell the Ravens they can draw upon my pubic sack succulently for no less than 30 seconds, was this much needed momentum shift.  Momentum shift granted.  49ers made a remarkable comeback taking the lead and we had ourselves a FUCKING GAME!  Kaepernick reminded us how he and his team made it this far.

 

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The bad calls on both sides, the intentional safety, the failed 2-point conversion … this game was IN. TENSE.  Just like last year, every second was crucial.  It came down to the last play.  Niners came up short, big brother upset little brother, the Baltimore Ravens prevailed.

 

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Ray Lewis with the Lombardi Trophy

 

So now, these motherfuckers eliminated my favorite team AND beat my 2nd favorite team in the Superbowl!  Or the #Harbowl or the #Sup-Harbaugh, as I like to call it.  Some refer to it as the #BeyonceBowl.  Whatever!  They crushed my happiness twice.  But in the end, I couldn’t be mad at them.  Joe Flacco was astounding throughout the entire season, finishing with no interceptions. Not 1.  They deserved it.

Great game, Great halftime ….. but what about the commercials?  Honestly, we were too busy discussing the game to even care about commercials this year.  I glanced at the TV here and there.  I saw 2 or 3 good ones.

Like this one:

 

I don't even know what this commercial was for.  I just rememeber an old man nipple on a glass.

I don’t even know what this commercial was for. I just remember an old man nipple on a glass.

 

But for those who were REALLY watching them, quick question.  Were the commercials really not up to par this year or was the event just impossible to outshine?

 

I guess you can say I’m back…? *shrug* Let me go watch that Halftime show one more time though.

I’ll holla!  *hops in tub of Jergens*