NYC Vs. Soda (#Sadderday For The Thirsty)

NYC banning super-sized sugary drinks is not that big a deal.  Just think about it.  When was the last time you said, “Shit. I’m thirsty as fuck. Let me grab an X-Treme Gulp from 7-Eleven” ?

If you have, I think you have bigger things to worry about.  Like, oh i don’t know, ….. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO THIRSTY?!  Not even on Instagram has the urge to quench parch reached such severity. And with all the ass & titties floating around that app, Instagram is probably the biggest gathering of cotton-mouthed individuals known to man.

To those of you who go to the movies or restaurants and look forward to nearly drowning yourselves with fizzy liquified candy, you’re probably wearing all black right now.  The funeral for your favorite cup size is near.  But like the people who try to jump on the caskets in funerals, look up to the sky & scream “WHYYYY?!!!!!”, what y’all have to keep in mind is this:  It’s not the end of the world.

You have to remember the good times you had with your deceased cup size and be thankful it ever even existed.  For fuck’s sake, kids in Africa still have to walk miles to the nearest river to drink sugarless ass water….with their HANDS!  Why you crying? (In my best George Lopez impression.)
We still have soda.  We can still get up and get our very unnecessary refills.  Besides, I’m sure there’s a way around this shit.  We ALWAYS find loopholes.  We can’t stand being told what we can or can’t do, so we go out of our way to find little shortcuts and shit.

Guess what’s gonna start happening?  Ratchet ass people are gonna start smuggling 2 liter Pepsi’s into “Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D” only to spill it when Trey Songz gets his big ass nose hacked off.  Hey, New York Health Board, look what you just did.  Now, ratchet hoes making a scene in the theaters because they don’t wanna be touched by security will become the norm.  Are you happy?

We’re just gonna have to deal with the fact that people WILL start walking around with soda-filled gasoline jugs everywhere they go like Big Sam from The Eastside Boyz.  *facepalm*


Oh wait a minute! I forgot….who drinks soda anymore?  If you ask me, it looks like everybody drinks Ciroc & Henny for breakfast, lunch AND dinner.  Some of y’all are willing to swap your blood for Patrón to flow in your veins for the rest of your lives.  I swear, it’s like nobody drinks water or juice anymore either.  It’s liquor, liquor, liquor all day, every day.  So I guess nobody will be affected by this law after all.  And this blog is useless.  *sigh*  Oh well, fuck it.

I’m outtie. Quench your thirst, folks.  (Go ahead. Double tap shorty’s picture)

*dives in pool of Mango nectar. No trunks*


Brain-farts Galore

So uh……too bad I forgot I had a blog.  It has been a loooooong fucking weekend.  And guess what?  I didn’t brainstorm a goddamn thing.  Shame on me.  Well, I guess I’ll just do this one on the fly.

These ball throwing heauxs in these Olympics are impressive.  Not one mistake was made in any of the countries’ choreo.  WHOA!  This wrestler just got dropped on his head! LMAOOOOO!!!!

Anyway, I already have an olympic post so I don’t wanna make this about…….yo, USA Basketball team took home the gold! FUCK YEAH!!!!!

Ok, I’m sorry. I have no filter right now, which I guess is a good thing because I need to talk about something.  How about those 2 new Slaughterhouse songs that dropped?  Fucking FIRE!

Or how about my 1st beer shotgunning experience?  Hilarious, but nah.  Wtf do I talk about with y’all?  I don’t even know if you’re reading, honestly.  I mean, I see how many views I get in total & it’s pretty decent for a no-name like myself. But are you all REALLY there?  Or do my viewers consist of nothing but close friends, family & cyber ghosts?   Well, I did hear from a girl who stumbled upon my blog on twitter and liked it.   I felt great about that.  Oh!  So THAT’S what jump-started my weekend!  I remember now.  Shout out to her.

What about that 2 Chainz album?  LMAO!  The shit is funny more than anything.  With lyrics like “I wish a nigga would like a kitchen cabinet” & “woodgrain, chestnut / tittyfuck ….. CHEST NUT!” … Matter fact, the whole 2nd verse on “Like Me”.  I’m changing this album’s genre to ‘comedy’ in my iPod.

What about that triple cheeseburger from McDonald’s?  Damn, I want another one.  But I can’t eat cheese like that.  Which reminds me….i have a pizza date with my ol’ lady (we’re not old. we’re in our 20’s) @ 4PM & i’m over here talking to y’all so…..I’m outta here.

ONE TIME FOR MY KIDNEYS!  *chugs water dispenser gallon*

Fuck Your Opinion

For the love of well endowed light skinned honeys with long hair & hoop earrings… keep your opinions to yourselves.  At least keep them from me.  I don’t want em.  I didn’t ask you shit so take your collection of rusty ass 2 cents & get the fuck outta here.  Nobody gives a flying eagle’s vagina.

We all have personal preferences.   So trying to persuade someone into liking or not liking stuff is ‘Landry Fields’ useless.  It’s cool to suggest or recommend but when you attempt to do so with an opinion attached to it, fuck you.

Don’t make a face or say “Eww” when i’m running down the list of ingredients I like on my Subway sandwich and mayonnaise comes up.  If you don’t like mayo, DON’T EAT IT!  But the shit is manufactured for a reason so don’t look at me like you got the stomach virus or some shit.  Let me and my ‘sammich’ live.

Personally, I don’t think dressing makes MY salad any more valid.  But do you.  Drown yours, i don’t care.  It’s YOUR salad.  However,  if you see me adding raw spinach to mine and you’re asking me why…….I’m slapping your salad off the fucking table and making it fly across the room. FUCK YOU MEAN, WHY?!! Cuz I want some, BITCH!  Excuse me for trying to switch it up a bit.  Next time it’s gonna be your face.  And I’ll be filled with spinach so HEY, guess what?

That’s right, Popeye.  I is what I is too.

So all you judgmental fucks can go eat Fat Bastard’s jock strap! … But hey, if that’s your thing, I won’t judge you.

Later, hater.  *rides shopping cart down Snake Hill*