NYC banning super-sized sugary drinks is not that big a deal. Just think about it. When was the last time you said, “Shit. I’m thirsty as fuck. Let me grab an X-Treme Gulp from 7-Eleven” ?
If you have, I think you have bigger things to worry about. Like, oh i don’t know, ….. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO THIRSTY?! Not even on Instagram has the urge to quench parch reached such severity. And with all the ass & titties floating around that app, Instagram is probably the biggest gathering of cotton-mouthed individuals known to man.
To those of you who go to the movies or restaurants and look forward to nearly drowning yourselves with fizzy liquified candy, you’re probably wearing all black right now. The funeral for your favorite cup size is near. But like the people who try to jump on the caskets in funerals, look up to the sky & scream “WHYYYY?!!!!!”, what y’all have to keep in mind is this: It’s not the end of the world.
You have to remember the good times you had with your deceased cup size and be thankful it ever even existed. For fuck’s sake, kids in Africa still have to walk miles to the nearest river to drink sugarless ass water….with their HANDS! Why you crying? (In my best George Lopez impression.)
We still have soda. We can still get up and get our very unnecessary refills. Besides, I’m sure there’s a way around this shit. We ALWAYS find loopholes. We can’t stand being told what we can or can’t do, so we go out of our way to find little shortcuts and shit.
Guess what’s gonna start happening? Ratchet ass people are gonna start smuggling 2 liter Pepsi’s into “Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D” only to spill it when Trey Songz gets his big ass nose hacked off. Hey, New York Health Board, look what you just did. Now, ratchet hoes making a scene in the theaters because they don’t wanna be touched by security will become the norm. Are you happy?
We’re just gonna have to deal with the fact that people WILL start walking around with soda-filled gasoline jugs everywhere they go like Big Sam from The Eastside Boyz. *facepalm*
Oh wait a minute! I forgot….who drinks soda anymore? If you ask me, it looks like everybody drinks Ciroc & Henny for breakfast, lunch AND dinner. Some of y’all are willing to swap your blood for Patrón to flow in your veins for the rest of your lives. I swear, it’s like nobody drinks water or juice anymore either. It’s liquor, liquor, liquor all day, every day. So I guess nobody will be affected by this law after all. And this blog is useless. *sigh* Oh well, fuck it.
I’m outtie. Quench your thirst, folks. (Go ahead. Double tap shorty’s picture)
*dives in pool of Mango nectar. No trunks*