5 Things People Hated About Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice That Are Just Fine

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With its opening weekend now behind us, Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice turned out to be a success at the box office.  But was it a success to die hard comic book fans?  The internetz would say, “FUCK NO.”  So what went wrong?  I’ve heard more complaints about this movie than I can count on the fingers of both my hands.  Granted, it’s not a perfect film but some of the things people took issue with were explained in the film but because of the fast pace, lost in translation.  Then there are some that are just flat-out picky.  So what I’m gonna do is take the most echoed of those complaints and rebut them with something the unwashed masses fails to use these days: logic.

Here are 5 things people hated about Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice that are just fine.

 

***Warning: SPOILERS AHEAD***

 

1. Superman’s lack of hope

Many felt that Superman didn’t provide enough hope for the audience or even Metropolis.

*sigh* Why am I doing this to myself. Are you kidding me?

Every last scene with Clark/Superman is about hope.

The beginning of the movie has a montage of him saving people and embodying hope.  Metropolis is hopeful that everything will be fine and they worship him.  Even when that shifts and Supes doubts himself, there was always someone reminding him that there’s hope.  For him, the city AND humanity.  Lois, Martha Kent and even Jonathan Kent in his conscience was reminding him for crying out loud.  THE MAIN FIGHT TOOK PLACE BECAUSE SUPERMAN HOPED THAT BRUCE… fuck it.

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2. Jesse Eisenberg is not a good Lex Luthor

I agree with this…….if he were playing Lex Luthor.  The fact is, he’s not.  He actually plays Alexander “Lex” Luthor Jr., Luthor’s son.  We learn and are reminded of this multiple times throughout the movie.  If Lex Luthor was my father, I would probably look all coked up and abuse my power too.

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3. The Email

Bruce Wayne sends Diana Prince an email with video files attached and that’s when we first see the Justice League members.  I see why people thought that was a lazy way of introducing them.  Trust me, I do.  HOWEVER!  The files were dated June 2015.  TWENTY FIFTEEN.  Batman is too old to get in his Aston Martin DB 2/4 Mark III and look for fine ass Diana just to show her a picture and a few videos.  Just shoot it to her DMs. Batman is smooth, chill.  He don’t got time for all that.  Besides, he already went through the trouble of loading all of it on his computer with a dial-up connection.

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4. The Fight

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Lots of complaints about this one.  “It’s too short”, “It was convenient”, “The end of the fight was stupid”.

All valid opinions.  I personally thought nothing extra would’ve added to the fight.  Plus, they both were hurt enough.  How they were both ready to fight at the exact same time is easy to forget because there’s so much going on but trust and believe it is explained.  Clearly, Luthor masterminded the whole thing.  When Batman stole the Kryptonite, Lex knew his plan had worked to get Superman outta here.  Bat-signal goes up, Lex sees it and baits Supes using Lois and he gives him the ultimatum.  Convenient?  Superman is the definition of convenient.  He’s always there when it counts anyway so that shouldn’t be a deal breaker in a movie with his name in the title.  When Superman says, “Nothing stays good in this world”, you can tell he didn’t want to do it but he knew he possibly didn’t have a choice.  He still tries to not go ahead with the fight but when he saw Batman wouldn’t budge, he’s angered by the fact that his time was running out.  As for the end of the fight, it was Batman’s chance to do what he couldn’t as a child.  Simple.

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5. Superman’s fate

This one I completely understand why people were dissatisfied with.  We know he’s gonna be in the Justice League movies.  So why kill him?  The best complaint I heard was that moving forward, deaths wouldn’t be as big a deal anymore because the last shot negates the importance of this event that took place too soon anyway.  Oh, internet.  Which one is it?  He should’ve really died to make for a ballsy ending?  Or he shouldn’t have died at all to make it more impactful later?  To go with the latter, you’d have to sacrifice the ballsy ending for THIS movie and save it for the later movies.  But then how would this one end?

We could blame this ending on Doomsday’s appearance being used prematurely but how can Superman die at the hands of Doomsday with the Justice League backing him?  That would make Superman look even weaker than he already did 70% of the time in this movie.

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I think we need to give the creators of this movie a little more credit than they’re receiving.  It’s easy to complain about all of this.  It’s not easy to make a movie like this.  It’s not easy to get people who hate Superman to root for him.  Although a lot of homage was paid to the comics with the way a lot of the scenes were shot, this is still a new rendition of these characters.  Superman killed in Man of Steel.  Batman slaughtered thugs in this one.  Zack Snyder has his own vision of these beloved characters and still found the decency to include scenes and dialogue damn near identical to the comic book moments.

Take a deeper look at the aesthetic of this film and you’ll see what I mean.

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Happy Cinco de Mayweather!

…..is what all the hoes want to hear from dude.

The swag this man possesses. To beat a Mexican on Cinco De Mayo.

Move over Star Wars fans,  “May Day” is now 3 days later and quite honestly, “May the 4th be with you” is a little outdated.  Let’s face it, George Lucas released the raging bull and Disney hung a red blanket before  a wall of spikes that activates a hydrofluoric acid splasher. It’s fucking over.

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But what’s NOT over is ‘Money’ Mayweather’s perfect winning streak record.  Floyd Mayweather Jr. has now won 44 bouts in a row.  Y’all thought Undertaker was impressive?  Well, wrestling is fake.  So yea. …No.

His latest victim, Robert Guerrero was confident that he would be the one to finally defeat Money May, as every boxer in the past has.  Maybe he should have stepped on Floyd’s foot to keep him where he wanted him but…OH! Wait a minute, he did!  More than once.  Which is the only reason Guerrero looked strong in the 1st round.  I don’t care, it was a wrap for him as soon as he came out to the ring.  And to think, Mayweather was the one who was accompanied by a rapping Lil’ Wayne during his entrance.

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Instead of HBO, it was Showtime.  Instead of his uncle Roger Mayweather, it was his father Floyd Mayweather Sr. in his corner.  Instead of 50 Cent, it was Lil’ Wayne who came out with ‘Money’.  I was nervous y’all.  After Cotto gave him the fight of his life and after being incarcerated for two months, shit just wasn’t right.  He wasn’t “Pretty Boy Floyd”.  He was humble as fuck.  However, his greatness is enough to keep us reminded of how good he is.

Oh yea, by the way… some of y’all don’t even remember when Floyd had hair so stop washing the man’s meat.  We know he’s great, just chill with all the bibble.  He’s human.  He can and will lose eventually.  So many people on this guy’s nuts, I almost misread a few tweets.  But I caught myself before I could comment on them.  For example, Peter Rosenberg of Hot 97 tweeted this:

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To which I almost replied, “Yo fam, take the dick out your throat and do your research. Nicolino “El Intocable” Locche.” (The Untouchable)

But then I realized, Rosenberg wasn’t wrong.  He said “I’ve never seen..”, which means he’s just oblivious to Locche, as most people are to begin with.  So, just like the meat riders, I need to chill.  (Y’all must chill first in order for me to chill though, so chill. )

Long story short, Floyd outboxed this dude.  The numbers on the scorecards could’ve been mistaken for salary income.  Mayweather’s percentages were waaaaaay above Guerrero’s in ever damn facet of the match-up.  He did it again.

“May Day” was yesterday but it continues on until maybe 6PM today.  Why 6?  I don’t fucking know.  Who gives a flying enchilada shit anyway? ……………………………. Bitch.

Happy Cinco de Mayo, everybody!

Enjoy!  *dubs twerk videos with Mariachi music*

The Fuckery: Kids Edition

The Fuckery: Kids Edition

FACT: Little kids are fucking annoying!

“Aww look how cute the baby is.” … “*Gasp* LOOK! He took 3 steps and fell on his butt.  How adorable! ” … “Oh my God, I want one. ”

Yea.  Go right ahead and have a kid RIGHT now.  Go fuck like jack rabbits, kick your roommate out, decorate the room with kid shit, drench your dreams in gasoline and just light the bitch on fire.  It’s over.  Of course, it’s beautiful.  It’s so magical how you have to wake up at 3am to rock that little fucker back to sleep.  Wiping spray shit has never been this fun.  It’s great!  What’s even better is how all of a sudden you’re in charge of another human being who cries uncontrollably over God knows what.

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And those are the best years.  No matter how annoyed you are, the baby is the cutest thing you’ve ever seen and you love them like you’ve never loved anything before.

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Before you know it, their front teeth fall out and they smile every time they do something that nobody finds funny but them.  You start forcing yourself to be unfunny so you won’t have to see that ghoulish grin until you just become the boring parent.  They’ll seek fun by throwing YOUR shit out the window and voilà! You’re miserable.  A little positivity and proud moments here and there but that’s about it.

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Few years later, they’re older and a little less dependent and right before you start accepting it and enjoying their mild spurt of  “maturity”, something goes wrong.  Never fails.  Whether it’s a pregnancy scare, a dumb ass tattoo, a shitty boyfriend/girlfriend, drugs … something happens.

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Fast forward a few years later, your expectations are just 6 feet underground at this point.  So, any type of progression they make, you’re satisfied with.

“Wow, things are looking up.  I don’t have to worry and keep tabs anymore because my kid is all grown up.”

Hey, you know when you buy McDonald’s, and you’re doing your happy dance while you eat because you love your nuggets and Big Macs and what not?  Soon as you finish, “Good golly, what a piece of shit.  I’m still hungry.  I should’ve bought a chicken & rice platter from the Halal truck instead.”  Yea.

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The night life you once lived resumes.  Your attempt to hit the club and scoop a young whipper snapper just fails because holy shit…. YOU’RE FUCKING OLD, DUDE!

20+ years have gone by and there’s nothing you can do about it.  No make-up or baseball cap in the world can fully disguise them wrinkles on your face and muffin top is inevitable.  Any sudden movement you make looks like a truffle shuffle.

Whether you’re a man or a woman, having children is the ultimate “youth disintegrator”.  Teen moms and dads are automatically perceived as bad parents if they’re spotted out and about without their kids, trying to have fun and hold on to the majesty of the wonder years.  Anything after that is classified as follows.

Women: MILF

Men: Filth

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I’m done.  *pokes holes in asshole’s condoms*

Bawses Date Rape Too

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For many weeks now, Rick Ross has been bashed and shitted on all over the web for saying some inappropriate things on a guest feature.  On a song by Rocko called “U.O.E.N.O.” which also features the ever so poppin’-popular, heart-of-the-club-scene, rapper/harmonizer, Future, something possessed Ricky Rozay to rap the following lyric:

Put Molly all in her champagne, she ain’t even know it
I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain’t even know it

Fam……..what are you doing?

Time out, because I’m on the fence about this.  There’s different ways to look at this line.  Don’t get me wrong, it was a terrible thing to say and people SHOULD be upset about it.  I just believe it should be really dissected before anybody can take action against Rick Ross.

First things first, it’s never…and I mean NEVER acceptable to put anything in anyone’s drink without his or her consent. I don’t give a fuck if you try to put Smarties in some bitch’s drink, we fightin’, breh.  You’re not doing that shit.  Not on my watch.  Ross was wrong off the bat with that one.

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The part that I’m iffy about is the 2nd line.  We all know what he meant by “enjoyed that”, right?  Well….who knows?  Maybe he simply enjoyed the act of taking her home.  Maybe he just enjoyed her side effects.  Again, it was wrong to dirty her champagne…but could it be that we’re jumping to conclusions as to what he did once he took her home?  That part is unclear so we can only look at the fact that he drugged the chick.  We forgave Alan in “Hangover”, didn’t we?  Aye, don’t give me that bullshit. Hip-Hop and Hollywood movies are one in the same.  It’s all entertainment, so Alan counts.  And he used a REAL date rape drug in the movie.  Which brings me to my next point.

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Ross used molly in his lyric which is pure MDMA.  Last time I checked, ecstasy made you horny and want to bang whatever comes your way.  I’m not sure how champagne can alter the effects but I’m pretty sure you need more to make someone pass out.  Perhaps Ross left the important detail of how much Molly and/or champagne was consumed by this poor lady out.  So I’ll just stick with the context.  By the way, I refer to the victim as “poor lady” even though she could’ve been a deceitful bitch to begin with because the fact of the matter remains…she was drugged AND enjoyed by the former Slip-n-Slide artist.

Now, this guy is under heavy scrutiny and the struggle is slowly crashing down on the Bawse of rap.  Rape survivors are demanding Reebok to cut his endorsement deal and after multiple attempts to apologize, these activists are showing no signs of taking it easy.  They want Rick Ross’ ass chewed up and spit out.  In addition, concerts are being cancelled because of this.

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This shit is serious and a lot of people questioned how serious this really is, including myself.

Oh, who am I kidding? Rick Ross said that shit.

“What about Eminem? He runs around saying crazy shit all the time and nobody cares.”, said one of my homies.  I agreed with him because I guess I forgot how BAD Eminem had it in his heyday.  As a young kid, I didn’t recognize the severity of Slim Shady’s hardships.  Thinking back NOW, it makes me look at this Rick Ross scandal like it’s a joke.

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Yo, Eminem had everybody protesting against him.  Gays, women, award shows (Grammys), students,  the British.  Michael Jackson, son.  The King Of Pop himself was butthurt about his portrayal in the “Just Lose It” video and encouraged anti-Eminem hate groups to hate on.  Em had it a MILLION times worse.  Of course, these are the results of lyrics that are WAY more offensive than what Ross said.  Most recently, his own fans protested against him for his lyrical content on “Recovery”, which even non-Eminem stans labeled a great album.  Still, Mr. Mathers came out on on top every time and overcame all adversities and I don’t remember him apologizing.

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I shit you not, “Recovery” is certified diamond worldwide less than 3 years after its release.  If he could survive all that shit, Rick Ross has nothing to worry about.  He’s been one of the top tier MC’s in the game for 7 years now, more so for the last 3.

Ross fans, stop feeling bad for him and stop defending him.  He will bounce back, he did make a mistake, but the man is damn near 40.  Let the struggle crash down on him and admit what he said was foul.  I’m with y’all when y’all say everybody’s overreacting about it.  But let them overreact.  In the end, it’ll only prove that Hip-Hop DOES make an impact whether THEY like it or not.

(I don’t know who “they” is.  As a minority, we just exude oppression.)

Peace out, mmg.  *throws up peace sign while wearing tie dye shirt…barefoot*