MTV, Please Come Back!

Dear MTV,

Where the fuck you at, b?  You hit us with the famous deadbeat dad line, “I’ll be right back” and hauled ass.  We ain’t seen you for a few years.  All we have are bittersweet “photo album-like” memories to reminisce over on the internet and VHS tapings.  It’s not enough.  What were you thinking?  Introducing us to MTV2 and MTV Tr3s was your little way of disguising your weak ass programming, huh?  Sure you tried to make a few comebacks in the past.  Yo! MTV Raps (online), Beavis and Butt-Head, and even Celebrity Deathmatch on MTV2 for a while.  But those never lasted.  They were swept right out from under our feet yet again and left with what?  Friendzone, WakeBrothers and reruns of The Hills.  Are you out of your fucking mind?!!  While you’re at it, just change the name of the station already!  Add an ‘F’ to the front, seriously! Don’t get me wrong, Jersey Shore WAS ok.  WAS.  It’s the same shit every season though and we caught on to that.  It’s over for that shit now.  Nobody gives a flying flaming bag of dog shit about what a pregnant Snooki & J-Woww do on their lonely journeys together either.  Or what club DJ Pauly D is hitting up every night.  The only thing that actually represents what the channel should be is AMTV and that shit comes on too early in the day.

You’re really gonna let BET have the upper hand on you on something?  They actually have a music countdown that airs every weekday.  Let’s face it, nobody watches it because it sucks ass.  BET is “Strugglelandia” and the only thing worth watching there is the Hip-Hop Awards and the opening performance at the BET Awards.  Nothing else.  But at least they have a countdown.  Would it hurt to air MTV Jams again from 7-8 PM on a nightly basis before new episodes of ‘whatever-the-fuck’ comes on?  Or how about TRL from 3-5 again? (the hour long TRL sucked)  You do realize that ain’t shit on TV at that time and your ratings would be much better if you didn’t repeat episodes of oompa loompas “doing” sex all goddamn day, right? *sigh*

Other than FUSE, you’re the only network that doesn’t need ratchet reality TV shows to entertain.  All you need is a music countdown in the middle of the day that airs live from Times Square, NYC “Daly” to satisfy us and actually live up to the name of the network.  MTV, don’t leave us like this.  Please come back!

                                                                                                Sincerely,

                                                                                                          Fan of 15 years

P.S.  Spring Break deserves to be aired strictly on TV.  Bouncing boobs and ass shakes don’t look as good on computer screens.

Until next time…  *walks like Shaggy into car wash to hide struggle tears*

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2 thoughts on “MTV, Please Come Back!

  1. I was laughing throughout the whole post, especially when I read the deadbeat dad part out loud to Jr.

    Celebrity Deathmatch will forever be in our hearts.

    • Yes. I am now going to copy & paste this in my email & “cyber hail mary” that bitch to MTV Headquarters. Hopefully they complete the catch and dive into the end zone.

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