The Fuckery: Homeless Edition

” *Sobbing* AAAAHHHH!  I’m so embarrassed! *sniffles*  My baby has cancer and we don’t have money to eat!  Please!  *short sob*  If you have anything, please help us. *long annoying sob* ”

If I had a dollar for every time I heard this lame shit, I would be able to give it to them on the spot. FUCK OUTTA MY FACE!  Bitch, you know damn well you’re lying.  Where’s this baby, huh?  NOPE! Sorry.  Maybe if the baby was present you’ll get something from me.  And the baby doesn’t even have to have cancer.

Funny shit is, I had a bag of wings & fries in my hand and I said “Sorry.  I have nothing for you.”  I did the right thing.  Apparently, this fat bitch has been scamming people all week.  ALL.  WEEK.  In the same 8 block radius.  Doesn’t it ever occur to them that maybe changing location would be more effective?  LOOK AT THAT!  I’m better at being homeless than she is.  HA!  She never said she was homeless but it was obvious.  Looking like “Raggedy Rose-anne” and shit.

If you’ve been fooled before, don’t feel dumb.  Everybody has.  Just make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Don’t get me wrong.  There are legitimate ones out there that really need the help.  One day, I was in Papa John’s getting a pepperoni slice. (greatness)  A middle aged man walked up behind me and asked if I can spare some change because he was hungry.  I was feeling generous so I gave him 5 bucks.  He thanked me more than enough and ordered something on the spot.  That made me feel good because he didn’t lie.  He was really hungry, not itching for a bump of cocaine.  He was actually standing upright, relaxed.  Nothing about his appearance told me he was an addict or under the influence.

Next time someone comes up to you BEGGING for money, make sure you pay close attention and try to detect lies.  Or simply just avoid further conversation.  It’s up to you.  If you get the urge to help, open your eyes.  Observe how they approach you and others after you.  Usually, the ones that cut to the chase and ask for help calmly are the real deal.

Stop letting these “Raggedy Rose-annes” and “Raggedy Andy-Dicks” fool you.

FUCK em!

I’m ghost. *belly flops onto quicksand*


2 thoughts on “The Fuckery: Homeless Edition

  1. I think the only way to help is to give any food you have. Food only, no money. There are resources for people who are struggling out there, and professionals who know how to help. If you want to help someone, go volunteer somewhere. Otherwise, sorry man. Got nothing for ya.

    Meanwhile, remember that time the old dude played me when I gave him my spare Gordita Crunch? Mofo was begging right outside Taco Bell. Took one look at what I gave him, and said, “I don’t want this shit.” Well FUCK YOU, THEN.

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