#ScaryMovieADayMonth 2016 (Days 11-20)

Back again like Beanie Sigel trynna scrap again. Not putting up a good fight this time around is what I mean. I’m not with the scary shits that much right now. I can barely sit through a half hour show this week. If you thought the last post was short, this recap can’t even get on the kiddie rides at Six Flags.

Day 11: Knock Knock (2015)

So I’m watching Knock Knock and I’m like, “wait….where’s the horror? This is a fucking sexual fantasy.
And wtf is up with Keanu Reeves’ nipples no homo? They look like pepperoni with pimples.”
I swear, Keanu never shook that dumb ass Bill & Ted meat head trait. Am I the only one that thinks he might be slow? Keanu’s acting suuuuuucks with the exception of maybe two scenes and even then, his lines are ridicuolus. 

Still, this is the easiest bad movie to watch. The 2 girls that show up and take over the whole movie are fucking gorgeous. Lorenza Izzo is the reason why I wanted to watch it in the first place. 
This movie is barely horror. It’s whore-or.

Day 12: Squirm (1976)

The amount of worms used in this movie is over the top. I have to imagine hundreds of worms got stuck under the actors’ shoes. Disgusting.
They had some fakes in there but when they show the real ones up close, it’s a little much. … and why does the score have lyrics? This shit got a soundtrack? Oy vey!

But it doesn’t matter cuz this movie is ass.

Day 13: The Shallows (2016)

Blake Lively aka Mrs. Deadpool. You know what? She can cry. I enjoyed it. Movies that take place in one location might be my favorite. The setting is established and the rest of the movie focuses solely on character dynamics. Hell, the setting IS a character. Especially when they’re kept to a minimum. Even the shittiest film can have a captivating performance. Just gotta set it up. This wasn’t a brilliant movie but it made me root for Lively’s character Nancy. It was thrilling. I had myself a time with this one. Thanks, Redbox.

Day 14: Holidays (2016)

Watching anthology horror films is basically watching a commercial-free hour block of Goosebumps for adults.
If one short is trash, who cares? It’s only like 13 minutes long. Had to cuz Lorenza Izzo is bae. I was surprised to see the Epic Meal Time guy in a movie. Handful of familiar names here.Kevin Smith, his daughter Harley Quinn Smith, the very talented Jocelyn Donahue, Seth Green and a bunch more. Some shorts were weird or dumb, some were good. At least watching this, you don’t need to commit. It’s not tied with a bow at the end. It’s like a handful of holiday themed YouTube videos thrown in one collection and given a title.

Day 15: The Monster Squad (1987)

“I know you are but what am I?” Who didn’t say this as a kid?
This was a quick watch, really short. There are some genuinely scary moments here despite being a comedy about a group of kids. Overall, this is legitimately a funny, cute, scary movie. Perfect way to spend a chilly October night. Watch this movie right here. Not to beat a dead Mr. Ed but it was the 80’s, man. Even the shitty stuff was worth watching. No worries here, though. The Monster Squad is a blast.

I’ll steal what Chad Gilbert from the band New Found Glory used as a tagline for his showing of this movie in his theater for his Movie Gang event. “If you liked Stranger Things, you’ll love Monster Squad.”

Day 16: The Visit (2015)

This movie is CHILLING. I didn’t think this movie would be what it is but I’m glad it’s not what i thought. OLD. PEOPLE. ARE. CREEPY. There’s no ifs, ands or buts about it.
So I’m watching The Exorcist episode 4 and the grandma from The Visit makes a cameo as a nun and I almost wanted to stop watching. I was like, “Naaaah. NOPE. I’m out. 

To me, she’ll always be the grandma from The Visit. I could do without the little boy’s cringeworthy raps but everything else was really good. M. Night Shyama-llama-ding-dong, I’m impressed.

Day 17: Don’t Breathe (2016)

YO. I just want Jane Levy and Sam Raimi to keep making movies together. Don’t Breathe had me on the edge of my seat. It’s one of those movies with a lot of grey area. Nothing is clear-cut. The victim isn’t obvious here. And that’s why it’s brilliant. You don’t take sides 100% …. until you take a side. Shit like this is why I sit through all the garbage. I only hope to run into a gem like this every now and again. 

Here’s a quick trivia straight from IMDB to show you what I mean.

*”It’s shit like that” drop*

Day 18: Christine (1983)

“TTFN …. ta ta for now” This was the lingo in the early 80’s. Sound familiar?
Anyway, so I’m watching Ash Vs. Evil Dead,  and in the most recent episode, a possessed car goes crazy and starts killing people. So you know what I said. I said, “Fuck it, I’ll watch Christine next.” This is the OG of possessed cars. 

It’s a cunt hair too long. Some scenes go on for a bit too long, could’ve been perfect if it was 10 mins shorter. It’s John Carpenter though so obviously it’s good. Some scenes made me in 2016 go, “How did they do that?” Seriously. The visuals they created with the effects they went with were impressive even by today’s standards.

Day 19: The Last Horror Film (1982)

Excuse to see boobs. Joe Spinell, certified fucking creep in this one. Sign of the times, quality wise. The gore was iight. There are some swerves in this one though. I can imagine this blew some minds at the time. Now, it’s nothing new.

Day 20: Bloody April Fools (aka Los Inocentes) (2015)

My soul was dying, it was 5 am, and I had to get a movie in.  Browsed Netflix and saw “1hr 8mins”. That’s literally the only reason I chose to watch this low budget film from Spain. No clue it was gonna be all in Spanish until it was rolling.
This was everything you’d expect an indie horror to be. Maybe two OK moments, some humor, a semi-twist, blood, swearing and sex. This shit is a slow motion jog away from being a boob fest. No matter what this movie is though , I can’t be mad at it. It’s as long as an episode from a Netflix original series. I don’t care. 

Oh, thank God. I got these in right on time. I’m gonna go die now.

TTFN. *ties lasso to my life jacket & shark fin while wearing boxing gloves*

#ScaryMovieADayMonth 2016 (Days 1-10)

Fresh off New York Comic Con babyyyy! That’s right gore whores and ravenous savages, we back! #ScaryMovieADayMonth 2016: the 4G LTE edition.  My laptop did a corkscrew moonsault off the top rope and botched the landing. RIP. But we here! IT’S LIT!……FACTS!……..DEADASS!

Let’s get it started. 

Day 1: 10 Cloverfield Lane (2016)

I watched the trailer for this early in the year and I said, “Yup. I’m in there.”  Ended up saving it for October to carry on the tradition. Talk about commi….commitm… what’s the word again? Oh, commitment? I don’t know what that is. Nevermind. I already went to see a bunch of movies this year. I wasn’t about to live in the movie theater so I chilled.  I waited fucking months. I’m not gonna say it’s great and I’m not gonna say its horrible. I finally saw it….. and I wanna hit about 1,000 of dem folks like YAAAAH! You know what I’m talkin’ about? … Yes you do! All the kids are doing it on the internet. YAAAH! I loved it! I never been so. …you know what? I can’t even say what I want cuz i fucking hate spoilers and it cant be told. It needs to be seent. Just know…..I swung my arm like Michael Jordan after “The Shot” in Game 5 as soon as the movie was over cuz i was so pumped. YAAAH! J.J. Abrams, you did it again my nigga.

Day 2: JeruZalem (2016)

One word kept popping in my head while I watched. Laughable. 
But I checked the budget for this movie right now while writing this and. ….. I’m shocked. I remember noticing how good the resolution was while I watched. It was nice and clear, very HD. Fucking beautiful. I also remember thinking how some of the effects weren’t good enough for Youtube. CGI blood is rarely any good regardless, so I kind of let that part slide. In retrospect, however, for a movie with a $160,000 budget, I’m actually impressed. They did a lot with that 160k.  Unfortunately, the majority of what they did had ridiculous qualities. There was so much potential there, they got a fair amount of things right but it pales in comparison to the amount of terrible shit. Oh my God. No.

Day 3: Hush (2016)

Just imagine if you lived alone in the woods, you’re deaf and your voice is temporary paralyzed due to some kind of infection. FUCK NO.

I recommend this movie only to people who live with other people. If you live alone, you might not want this movie memory stored in the back of your brain. It will remind you you’re alone every night. Don’t do it.

Anyway, I liked it.

So far, good or bad, every movie has at least for a scene made me wince and put my hand on my mouth in an attempt to stop my jaw from literally dropping, popping and locking like Ice JJ Fish. 
Day 4: Dementia (2015)

Fam… What kind of hardware store sells Barbie dolls? Am i missing something? Anyway…this movie has the most abrupt, non-abrupt ending. That’s the only way I can think to put it. It was weird because it felt unfinished but it just worked somehow. Despite being a really low budget film, it’s actually pretty good thanks to the story and some performances. It’s a fucked up movie with layers to that shit.

Day 5: Darling (2016)

Really quick…It’s short but feels long, not entirely in a bad way. It’s weird as hell. The movie consists of 100% still shots, creepy sounds and flashes. It has a Marvel adjace mid-credit scene, the protagonist is shown naked and has a boy body. It feels like a short film, it does indeed get real in some scenes, I would only recommend this to die hard horror fans who would watch anything horror. Not something I would recommend to anyone else.

Day 6: Jacob’s Ladder (1990)

Pretty sure this movie deserves more than just random miniscule remarks but here I go anyway. 

Dog actors are usually fun to watch to try and guess how they were manipulated into “acting”. Here, it’s obvious. A big juicy steak was dangled across his face. Proof: The one bead of drool the editors failed to remove in post production.
What is Ving Rhames’ character? Mike Tyson? It’s the only reason to be wearing a kufi and petting a flying rat on a Brooklyn rooftop.
Anyway, this movie is revered with good reason. It’s confusing as shit but there are enough classic terrifying scenes to keep this one in “Scariest Movie Moments” lists til this day.

Day 7: Jennifer’s Body (2009)

Listen, man. I picked this cuz I wanted something easy to watch. No, not Megan Fox. I’m talking about Amanda Seyfried’s beautiful features. Top 5 eyes/lips/dimples combination of all time. Let’s take a moment…

*slow exhale* Yep… very easy on the eyes. And that she was. Except this movie is just….. *sigh* As a film, no thank you. If you put yourself in a high school freshman girl’s shoes and already admire “Juno” for its quirky nature, you can see what this movie tried to do. I didn’t care about the quality much as I was barely watching it on a Comic Con line, catching only the little bit of action it has to offer. I liked 7% of this movie. Take it as you will.

Day 8: The Boy (2016)

Lauren Cohan, we love you. We do. You are bae and your American accent is sweet. This movie builds really well. There was one scene that made me go, “Uh oh. That’s it. Everything is fucked”. And then it was ruined. What is this? Why is he so tall? Why is he… what is …. huh??? I don’t know. There’s plenty of really well done aspects to this movie but honestly, I can’t seem to remember it well even though it was a few hours ago. I wouldn’t mind trying again but not for a long time.

Day 9: The Purge: Election Year (2016)

Over a fucking candy bar? Fuck outta here with these stereotypes and bum ass acting. This movie is awful. 3rd times the charm. I’m DONE with this franchise.  It sucks. Keep the ‘Purge’ movies away from me and my family.

Day 10: Deathgasm (2015)

I am pleasantly surprised. I didn’t think it would be as enjoyable as it was. I thought it was consistently really funny. It’s a gore fest, it’s demonic, there’s weaponized dildos, boobs, it’s fucking Metal….literally. Death Metal everywhere. This is geared toward fans that listen to that genre of music but it’s not exclusive to them. I thoroughly enjoyed it and I’m watching the shit out of the sequel when it’s out. This is why you should try different shit. You never know.

1/3 of October down. Had to keep it short. It’s not the same on a phone app. 

Bye, bitches! *does Lil’ Kim “Quiet Storm” dance on moving short bus*

Cleveland’s half-century long nightmare is over


Not much needs to be said except CONGRATULATIONS to LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers! You did it!

The impossible.



OAKLAND, CA - JUNE 19:  LeBron James #23 of the Cleveland Cavaliers shoots against Stephen Curry #30 of the Golden State Warriors in Game Seven of the 2016 NBA Finals on June 19, 2016 at Oracle Arena in Oakland, California. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2016 NBAE (Photo by Nathaniel S. Butler/NBAE via Getty Images)


NBA: Finals-Cleveland Cavaliers at Golden State Warriors

2016 NBA Finals - Game Seven





lebron james block





LeBron James, Kyrie Irving



2016 NBA Finals - Game Seven








5 Things People Hated About Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice That Are Just Fine


With its opening weekend now behind us, Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice turned out to be a success at the box office.  But was it a success to die hard comic book fans?  The internetz would say, “FUCK NO.”  So what went wrong?  I’ve heard more complaints about this movie than I can count on the fingers of both my hands.  Granted, it’s not a perfect film but some of the things people took issue with were explained in the film but because of the fast pace, lost in translation.  Then there are some that are just flat-out picky.  So what I’m gonna do is take the most echoed of those complaints and rebut them with something the unwashed masses fails to use these days: logic.

Here are 5 things people hated about Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice that are just fine.


***Warning: SPOILERS AHEAD***


1. Superman’s lack of hope

Many felt that Superman didn’t provide enough hope for the audience or even Metropolis.

*sigh* Why am I doing this to myself. Are you kidding me?

Every last scene with Clark/Superman is about hope.

The beginning of the movie has a montage of him saving people and embodying hope.  Metropolis is hopeful that everything will be fine and they worship him.  Even when that shifts and Supes doubts himself, there was always someone reminding him that there’s hope.  For him, the city AND humanity.  Lois, Martha Kent and even Jonathan Kent in his conscience was reminding him for crying out loud.  THE MAIN FIGHT TOOK PLACE BECAUSE SUPERMAN HOPED THAT BRUCE… fuck it.


2. Jesse Eisenberg is not a good Lex Luthor

I agree with this…….if he were playing Lex Luthor.  The fact is, he’s not.  He actually plays Alexander “Lex” Luthor Jr., Luthor’s son.  We learn and are reminded of this multiple times throughout the movie.  If Lex Luthor was my father, I would probably look all coked up and abuse my power too.


3. The Email

Bruce Wayne sends Diana Prince an email with video files attached and that’s when we first see the Justice League members.  I see why people thought that was a lazy way of introducing them.  Trust me, I do.  HOWEVER!  The files were dated June 2015.  TWENTY FIFTEEN.  Batman is too old to get in his Aston Martin DB 2/4 Mark III and look for fine ass Diana just to show her a picture and a few videos.  Just shoot it to her DMs. Batman is smooth, chill.  He don’t got time for all that.  Besides, he already went through the trouble of loading all of it on his computer with a dial-up connection.


4. The Fight


Lots of complaints about this one.  “It’s too short”, “It was convenient”, “The end of the fight was stupid”.

All valid opinions.  I personally thought nothing extra would’ve added to the fight.  Plus, they both were hurt enough.  How they were both ready to fight at the exact same time is easy to forget because there’s so much going on but trust and believe it is explained.  Clearly, Luthor masterminded the whole thing.  When Batman stole the Kryptonite, Lex knew his plan had worked to get Superman outta here.  Bat-signal goes up, Lex sees it and baits Supes using Lois and he gives him the ultimatum.  Convenient?  Superman is the definition of convenient.  He’s always there when it counts anyway so that shouldn’t be a deal breaker in a movie with his name in the title.  When Superman says, “Nothing stays good in this world”, you can tell he didn’t want to do it but he knew he possibly didn’t have a choice.  He still tries to not go ahead with the fight but when he saw Batman wouldn’t budge, he’s angered by the fact that his time was running out.  As for the end of the fight, it was Batman’s chance to do what he couldn’t as a child.  Simple.




5. Superman’s fate

This one I completely understand why people were dissatisfied with.  We know he’s gonna be in the Justice League movies.  So why kill him?  The best complaint I heard was that moving forward, deaths wouldn’t be as big a deal anymore because the last shot negates the importance of this event that took place too soon anyway.  Oh, internet.  Which one is it?  He should’ve really died to make for a ballsy ending?  Or he shouldn’t have died at all to make it more impactful later?  To go with the latter, you’d have to sacrifice the ballsy ending for THIS movie and save it for the later movies.  But then how would this one end?

We could blame this ending on Doomsday’s appearance being used prematurely but how can Superman die at the hands of Doomsday with the Justice League backing him?  That would make Superman look even weaker than he already did 70% of the time in this movie.


I think we need to give the creators of this movie a little more credit than they’re receiving.  It’s easy to complain about all of this.  It’s not easy to make a movie like this.  It’s not easy to get people who hate Superman to root for him.  Although a lot of homage was paid to the comics with the way a lot of the scenes were shot, this is still a new rendition of these characters.  Superman killed in Man of Steel.  Batman slaughtered thugs in this one.  Zack Snyder has his own vision of these beloved characters and still found the decency to include scenes and dialogue damn near identical to the comic book moments.

Take a deeper look at the aesthetic of this film and you’ll see what I mean.